Probabilities

It's not probable that
the air will ever be fully cleared;
attempts were met with defense
and stories--

Ah, the stories ....

Remembrances , embellished
to fit narratives into more drama
than they actually had.

Some were purposeful.
Recent ones were probably
effects of age on mind and memory.

It is probable that I will cry, someday
at your funeral --
it's a requirement on the mourning checklist .

I may cry for myself, too
because my need for human contact
comes with an expiration date, and
there were times when
I just couldn't be bothered.

There's a good probability
I've figured out where my trust fund went,
the one you thought I knew nothing about.

I know a lot of things.

I know decency took the road less traveled
when the opportunity to tell me the truth ,
passed.

I know i will probably get repaid
from your estate someday, but
the trust will still be gone
in more ways than one.

I will probably always call you "Mother."

I will probably stop trying
to create idyllic snapshots of life, because
some of it needs to end up
on the cutting room floor .

I will definitely be there when your mind goes
to where your own mother's did , and
I held her hand through it.

That's when all the secrets are birthed
of their own accord, and
I probably won't care anymore about them;
I will just be your daughter.