is it me?

ok i get it
i understand
i can see why
i cant seem to keep a man

i know i've got issues
im broken damaged and no good
and with so many other options
id choose someone else if i could

a real lady perhaps
classy, with style and grace
a banging body
with a beautiful face

someone who doesn't cuss
who is tidy, neat & clean
someone soft and gentle
maybe not quite so mean

i'm not the prettiest
i'm clumsy and a complete mess
and my idea of dressin up
is a cheap lil walmart dress

i have a smart mouth
and cuss like a sailor, constantly!
i cant change it though
fuck it , that's just me

i'm broke
and hella crazy
my house is a real piece
and at times i can be lazy

But i am loyal
and down for whatever
i mean what i say
especially when im talkin bout forever

i love to no end
and give my all
i try to be open
but tend to put up walls

i always go in open minded
and full of trust
if u want things to work out
these are an absolute must

but trust gets broken
along with hearts and other stuff
hell. with facebook, snapchat and pornsites
one woman will never be enough

after a few attempts
you get tired of trying
not wanting to feel the pain
so sick n tired of always crying

self esteem takes a hit
jealousy and doubt set in
desperately want to fix things
but u know its the beginning of the end

is it me
am i the problem?
surely i'm not that bad
it has to be them

when do u throw in the towel
say enough is enough
love is supposed to be easy
so why is it so damn tough

i think i'm just ruined
too much wrong been done
think all men are liars and cheaters
each and every one

every word sounds like a lie
full of trickery and deceit
always running around
with every girl they meet

even if they don't
i think they  are
i replay past events in my mind
opening old wounds to create a new scar

why cant i just find happiness
a man who will be there for me
to love me
forever and unconditionally

i'm sure if i do
i will run him away
its just what i do
i fk it up at the end of the day

current situation
i'm head over heels
but i don't trust him
i don't know how he feels

hot n heavy one minute
cold as ice the next
but i'm crazy about him
he's the sexiest man i've ever met

i'm so scared to love him
to open myself up emotionally
afraid to believe him
when he says he loves me

so what do i do
when i want it so
how am i to believe in this relationship
when heartaches all that i know

how do i learn to accept love
or to trust again
i don't wanna push him away
then sit around wondering about what could have been

i feel doomed
destined to fail
i wonder what he sees in me
i wonder if he can tell

does he see the doubt
when he looks me in the eye
does he understand my pain
when i cant help but to cry

does he realize
beneath this tough outer shell
lies a soft  delicate fragile soul
that's been drug through hell

he says he loves me
wouldn't have it any other way
i guess all i wanna know
is does he love me enough to stay?