The Online Dating Cure

Our first hook up    
she decided to wear    
wounded knee    
blue jeans for life    
and a bright yellow    
back to front hat    
sprinkled with shiny black stars    
that matched her eyes    
   
She'd thoughtfully painted    
flowers on her teeth    
so her smile    
would be instantly recognized    
   
After spit buffing my shoes    
and fretting over    
my profile myths a while    
I foolishly chose    
the last surviving    
collar and tie    
so sat down together    
we stood out    
like an advert in the sky    
two crazy beans    
sprouting on the moon's    
opposite sides    
   
But appearances    
don't cut much mustard anymore    
the world no longer cares    
is blind to most everything    
excepting the turn of a buck    
before the dregs of humanity    
lays down and dies    
   
I've never been great    
on foot language    
but maybe the spider in my bathtub    
had tried to warn me that morning    
by curling her legs up
in the tightest incy winciest ball    
   
And like I told the detective      
I was never certain    
what the waiter said    
Maybe she misunderstood    
but that little pistol she had    
popped up out of her panties    
before I could order a beer    
   
She shot him twice    
once through the heart  
and once in the head    
ran out without a word--    
cured me      
of online dating    
for sure