deepundergroundpoetry.com

Fading

Do I seem stronger for hiding my problems,
  or do reoccurring sleepless days strip my sanity?
Worried I may disappoint my family,
   I deny reaching out for help which might save me

Every test I deem useless, for if I found a diagnosis
   would a cure be possible when I've grown inside this hell since day one?
All my muscles hold so much tension, tangled against my fragile skeleton
   pulled tight across bones I wish could be put to sleep

Promise if I leave,
   would you find forgiveness for me?
I know, unless I set you free
   this disease would kill us the same

Remember when I believed in pressing on
   and living present in each fleeting moment?
Now I struggle just to find
   a single good reason why I should see tomorrow

Emaciated and struggling; my energy is spent inside my own head wondering
   would my lover and my friends be all right without me?
A worthless blemish - a blank canvas in a world of color,
   burnt out trying to calm myself, so I lie expressionless until I fade

Self-doubt strangled my words,
   but did anyone ever listen?
A voice stolen by sorrows gripping my throat
   Deprived of oxygen and hollow now, I hardly converse

Slumbering through daylight hours daily,
   does the sunrise miss me?
Desperate to overcome this fatigue, but plagued by bad dreams when I sleep
   I should have been more honest about why I closed our shades

I suppose if pain breeds lovely things,
   could you consider me a work of genius?
Persistent suffering defines my memories,
   and robs me of a sense of purpose

One moment I might see a glimmer of hope
   but does this illness truly change?
Frigid and trembling in bed
   I am imprisoned by pills supposed to help me cope

Now how do I recover if my symptoms choose to linger,
   am I a shell of who I should be or will this turn me into something better?
Paralysis begins in my head
   but depression claims every piece
Written by Kehlida
Published
Author's Note
A poem about depression, inspired by my own personal experiences and similar experiences of close friends.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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