My Own Making

I read your comments  
Your gifts to me  
They’re all that remain  
And without your words  
Without your trace  
My words are just scattered leaves  
As if browned by the sun and besotted by rains  
Mere tattered husks of living things  

And I search for my heart  
To find its place  
But it’s gone  
So I come daily  
To this wall of silent emptiness  
And pray  
And each day my prayer goes unanswered  
And yet I think  
Surely the true feelings of the heart must be felt  
For mine are resurrected daily  
To die again when I leave this place  
 
The day breaks but it doesn’t feel like day  
The night falls but it doesn’t feel like night  
Nothing feels like anything  
 
Without you  
 
Only shadows remain now of dreams  
Fading painfully into sleepless night  
I have no hopes  
Those errant things  
Which would cause me to believe  
Beyond all reason’s expectations  
 
I am twice dead  
And more than so alone  
What can words say when the heart would break  
And the soul has lost its voice  
And then  
Tell me  
What use are words  
 
I have died living a promise  
And I have died failing a promise  
And I wonder  
Just what do promises mean  
 
I believe stars are just shards of glass  
Broken on a floor of black  
And I look down not up  
At jagged images like wishes cast into my bad luck  
 
I would give anything for a word from you  
To hear your voice  
To see your smile  
I would give anything for anything about you  
 
For you  
 
There’s the sound of thunder in the stillness  
I listen  
And its your silence  
And I would give anything not to be in a hell of my own making