deepundergroundpoetry.com
White
A can, some glass, drilled bolts with wool, the bong,
the cash, the phone, the call, the wait, the score,
the public stain, the forces of the law,
the users jut, eyed, through the urban throng.
The lash is key, brief seconds that belong
beyond the exhalation of the draw,
experience with but one fatal flaw,
once felt, the urge to replicate, lifelong.
Such use does not develop savoir-faire
nor altered states of mind which free compare.
The culture concentrates around the scene
with many shattered lives, unmourned, unseen.
The bomb, the Pentagon, there’s no way back;
you cannot uninvent those craving crack.
the cash, the phone, the call, the wait, the score,
the public stain, the forces of the law,
the users jut, eyed, through the urban throng.
The lash is key, brief seconds that belong
beyond the exhalation of the draw,
experience with but one fatal flaw,
once felt, the urge to replicate, lifelong.
Such use does not develop savoir-faire
nor altered states of mind which free compare.
The culture concentrates around the scene
with many shattered lives, unmourned, unseen.
The bomb, the Pentagon, there’s no way back;
you cannot uninvent those craving crack.
Published 10th Sep 2021
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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The author encourages honest critique.
3rd Mar 2023 9:36pm
This is a pretty awesome sonnet.
I hope you will consider entering the sonnet competition I've got going on. If not this one, then perhaps one of your other sonnets.
Almost 400 reads and only now getting a comment?
Weird. Anyway, I really like your work!
I hope you will consider entering the sonnet competition I've got going on. If not this one, then perhaps one of your other sonnets.
Almost 400 reads and only now getting a comment?
Weird. Anyway, I really like your work!
3rd Mar 2023 10:32pm
Thank you for your appreciation.
I browsed the sonnet competition, and the first entry is true to genre. The form lends itself to the erotic, which my verse lacks. The sentiments expressed here would not win votes. Also this is Petrarchan, not Shakespearian.
Let the nubile compete with the nubile?
I'm delighted we almost share a username.
I browsed the sonnet competition, and the first entry is true to genre. The form lends itself to the erotic, which my verse lacks. The sentiments expressed here would not win votes. Also this is Petrarchan, not Shakespearian.
Let the nubile compete with the nubile?
I'm delighted we almost share a username.
3rd Mar 2023 11:00pm
I did say Shakespearean didn't I :)
Well, I don't think there's much I can do to stop folks from posting whatever and the votes will determine the winner anyway. I put up sonnet 29 as an example in case a newbie wanted to give it a shot. Several of the entries are clearly not Shakespearean but I mostly wanted to get a feel for the sonnet talent out there, and I'm glad I did because there is way more than I thought, so I am delighted by that discovery.
I do think this poem would be a contender here since DUP has a lot of recovery community folks and I'm sure they will appreciate it.
I haven't read all your sonnets yet, but I am sure to do so soon. Keep 'em coming!
Glad to make your acquaintance!
Well, I don't think there's much I can do to stop folks from posting whatever and the votes will determine the winner anyway. I put up sonnet 29 as an example in case a newbie wanted to give it a shot. Several of the entries are clearly not Shakespearean but I mostly wanted to get a feel for the sonnet talent out there, and I'm glad I did because there is way more than I thought, so I am delighted by that discovery.
I do think this poem would be a contender here since DUP has a lot of recovery community folks and I'm sure they will appreciate it.
I haven't read all your sonnets yet, but I am sure to do so soon. Keep 'em coming!
Glad to make your acquaintance!
8th Mar 2023 2:22am
Although I prefer things with a volta (https://www.poetryfoundation.org/learn/glossary-terms/volta), I've thought of a summating couplet for a Shakespearean -
I used to skate the ice at Spanish city
years later did ignore Menorca's beauty.
Anyway, the competition may be closed by now. At least I haven't published any Spencerian's yet. ;)
I used to skate the ice at Spanish city
years later did ignore Menorca's beauty.
Anyway, the competition may be closed by now. At least I haven't published any Spencerian's yet. ;)
8th Mar 2023 3:00am
For sure the volta must be considered, and I'd say a Spencerian is definitely close enough for the contest, especially if you've seen one of the recent entries :)
The word summating means that Shakespearian sonnet's don't have a volta, and that the poetry foundation don't know there ass from their elbow. I think you understood the sly wink at Edmund Spenser. :)
edited - excuse me, i can't forget my german training - we write exactly as we speak so there should be no ambiguities between words such as there and their
edited - excuse me, i can't forget my german training - we write exactly as we speak so there should be no ambiguities between words such as there and their
