Butterflies in the Basement

It’s only when I see the pain behind someone’s eyes
knowing they have seen the same devil as I
Wondering what price they’re paying
Knowing there were no butterflies in the basement
and that it didn’t stop me from following him down
Sometimes it seems the stairway will never end
and I’ll be going down those steps forever
Because the ribbons were ripped out of my hair
and the crayons were stolen from my hand
No nightlight could brighten the darkness that was coming for me
My lilies were set on fire
and I was drawn to it like a moth
Left in the ashes
praying for a day
when insults don’t scream
and compliments don’t whisper
When eyes see the blood not just the glitter
and ears hear the truth not just the gossip
My mind is a war best waged alone
or maybe that’s an excuse to not be real
because no one can truly abandon you if no one truly knows you
Maybe if no one sees my pain
it will go away
Maybe if I focus on the sun
there will be no more night
Maybe if I hide in my shadow
I can pretend I have someone to protect me
I’m exhausted trying to prove to myself that I matter
It’s like waving for help through a fogged window
because when the clouds part and the bottle’s dry
I’m still drawn to the nectar of his brainwashing
I’m supposed to have the key for everyone else
pretending I’m not still locked down here too
Someone upstairs might hear me if I scream
but I stay down here counting the bruises
like sheep going over the moon
Infected by his laugh
haunted by his grasp
Intoxicated in more ways than one
I don’t want them to know
that I’m their rock but I’m tumbling down a hill
That I’m their light but it’s getting too dark to see
I stay silent
because the world wants to believe my wings are fluttering
so I let them

- Butterflies in the basement