deepundergroundpoetry.com
Slit Wrists
America's got slit wrist
as Apathy drips from its veins
and 3month old babies
crave bottles of milk laced
with cocaine
As we except New Age wisdom
from 9 year old prodigy's
who teach from books
Based on Brain washin Phychology
That makes us believe in the invisble
rise of our economy, based on
the position of the moon in astrology.
America's got slit wrist,
Now the earth feels her pain
'cause no one cares about
the Ozone layers, or why
our skin burns when it rains.
They have laced our childrens
dreams thru T.V. screens so
they crave sex & violence and
nasty things
that fascilitate
their mental state
telling them "go ahead"
It's cool to Procreate
and you know America has the highest
High school drop out rate...
The state of our affairs
Is critical
The cause in part is political
Combined with a society that's
Hypocritical
feel's like Im shoutn to the sky
But no one hears me though!
Now there using computer chips
in our heads hands and even lips
what happend to the old way
of knowing identity...
simply by looking at me
Air so polluted
no one can breathe
and every other week,
there's a new allergy
A new strain of viruses
are being found in the meat
there are steroids in the cows
and chickens we eat
America the Beautiful
Once so full of Pride
Is laying swollen and sick
On the ground on her side
as Apathy drips from its veins
and 3month old babies
crave bottles of milk laced
with cocaine
As we except New Age wisdom
from 9 year old prodigy's
who teach from books
Based on Brain washin Phychology
That makes us believe in the invisble
rise of our economy, based on
the position of the moon in astrology.
America's got slit wrist,
Now the earth feels her pain
'cause no one cares about
the Ozone layers, or why
our skin burns when it rains.
They have laced our childrens
dreams thru T.V. screens so
they crave sex & violence and
nasty things
that fascilitate
their mental state
telling them "go ahead"
It's cool to Procreate
and you know America has the highest
High school drop out rate...
The state of our affairs
Is critical
The cause in part is political
Combined with a society that's
Hypocritical
feel's like Im shoutn to the sky
But no one hears me though!
Now there using computer chips
in our heads hands and even lips
what happend to the old way
of knowing identity...
simply by looking at me
Air so polluted
no one can breathe
and every other week,
there's a new allergy
A new strain of viruses
are being found in the meat
there are steroids in the cows
and chickens we eat
America the Beautiful
Once so full of Pride
Is laying swollen and sick
On the ground on her side
Published 26th Feb 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 0
comments 10
reads 1044
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
27th Feb 2012 2:41am
Yet that is the reality. America has gone under, drowned and swept to sea. Another will pick her up and promise her new love, only to be kept in hatred, for enemies we become.
1st Mar 2012 5:51pm
27th Feb 2012 11:00am
I'm jus an african man with a diverse culture from americans
but, what u sayin aint far from the truth
Its obivious wat u said.
On this one u gotta be paid. 'giggles'
but, what u sayin aint far from the truth
Its obivious wat u said.
On this one u gotta be paid. 'giggles'
1st Mar 2012 5:52pm
27th Feb 2012 11:01am
I'm jus an african man with a diverse culture from americans
but, what u sayin aint far from the truth
Its obivious wat u said.
On this one u gotta be paid. 'giggles'
but, what u sayin aint far from the truth
Its obivious wat u said.
On this one u gotta be paid. 'giggles'
Anonymous
27th Feb 2012 6:19pm
Girl, when it comes to poetry you are the real deal. You have something to say and a way of saying it that makes any thinking reader sit up and say ' I hear that'. The metaphor of America as an attempted suicide is really original and truly powerful and you extend it to great advantage. I wish you'd have worked it through some more, repeating and developing the metaphor to cover other teenage disorders like bulimia, anorexia, promiscuity etc. to move it away from an image as tragic as a successful suicide to something more brattish, petulant and self-serving. I think the world sees America much more as being badly behaved than truly tragic, even though the behavious DOES have truly tragic consequences for the weaker ones in her care. A few minor typos etc. too.May I come back and have a shot at that? Great work. Kudos. Red
1st Mar 2012 5:47pm
thankyou so much and I would love for you to take a crack at it I am trying to take all of your heartfelt critique and use it wisely within these lines... ( I know I had typeos not as many as the last one LOL) I think I may do ia part two for this peice next!
29th Feb 2012 2:05pm
i feel yhu on that girl...
yhu are really gud 2 btw i love it yhu speak the truth that no one wans to hear!! and thats the best thing too do... maybe it will get to sumone and will actually fix sumthing
yhu are really gud 2 btw i love it yhu speak the truth that no one wans to hear!! and thats the best thing too do... maybe it will get to sumone and will actually fix sumthing
1st Mar 2012 5:55pm
Thankyou so much Luv ur words are very kind The truth is only thing I can write about with passion...
Anonymous
1st Mar 2012 11:45pm
Hi again Kandiss. I'm offering you this edit with a view to
1: Developing your conceit about America having neuroses akin to those of a teenage girl
2: Deleting some repititions and typos
3: Baring it back just a little. With poetry, less is usually more. Never use two words when one (better one) would do.
Please forgive any perceived presumption and remember that I only critique this way because it's easier and quicker to make points for consideration - and that I only do it on works that I really rate in the first place.
America's got slit wrists
Apathy drips from her veins
3month old babies
crave bottles of milk laced
with cocaine
As we accept New-Age wisdom
from some 9-year-old prodigy
who teaches from books
based on brain-washin Phychology
that makes us believe in the improbable
rise of our economy, based on
the position of the moon in astrology.
America's got bullimia,
now the earth feels her pain
'cause no one cares about
the Ozone layers, or why
our skin burns when it rains.
They have kidnapped our childrens'
dreams thru T.V. screens so
they crave sex & violence
they fascilitate
a mental state
that tells them "go ahead"
It's cool to procreate
America's a high-school drop-out
She's got the highest drop out rate...
The state of our affairs
is critical
The cause in part is political
But America has become deeply
Hypocritical
feel's like I'm shoutin' to the sky
But no one hears me though!
Now they're using computer chips
in our heads, hands and even lips
what happened to the old way
of recognizing people...
by looking at them -
really looking.
America's got eating disorders.
New strains of viruses
are being found in the meat
there are steroids in the cows
and chickens we eat
America the Beautiful
Once so full of Pride
Is laying swollen and sick
On the ground on her side
1: Developing your conceit about America having neuroses akin to those of a teenage girl
2: Deleting some repititions and typos
3: Baring it back just a little. With poetry, less is usually more. Never use two words when one (better one) would do.
Please forgive any perceived presumption and remember that I only critique this way because it's easier and quicker to make points for consideration - and that I only do it on works that I really rate in the first place.
America's got slit wrists
Apathy drips from her veins
3month old babies
crave bottles of milk laced
with cocaine
As we accept New-Age wisdom
from some 9-year-old prodigy
who teaches from books
based on brain-washin Phychology
that makes us believe in the improbable
rise of our economy, based on
the position of the moon in astrology.
America's got bullimia,
now the earth feels her pain
'cause no one cares about
the Ozone layers, or why
our skin burns when it rains.
They have kidnapped our childrens'
dreams thru T.V. screens so
they crave sex & violence
they fascilitate
a mental state
that tells them "go ahead"
It's cool to procreate
America's a high-school drop-out
She's got the highest drop out rate...
The state of our affairs
is critical
The cause in part is political
But America has become deeply
Hypocritical
feel's like I'm shoutin' to the sky
But no one hears me though!
Now they're using computer chips
in our heads, hands and even lips
what happened to the old way
of recognizing people...
by looking at them -
really looking.
America's got eating disorders.
New strains of viruses
are being found in the meat
there are steroids in the cows
and chickens we eat
America the Beautiful
Once so full of Pride
Is laying swollen and sick
On the ground on her side
