paranoid

BIG SMILE...

I have always had a penchant for paranoia...  For me, I would say it takes a great deal of courage/character to make such an admission.  I admire that.  I think I call this, and a sort of a wave-form state that seems to accompany this sort of thing, the [nameless dread]. or...  [the fear].

I sort of experience those things quite often, to be honest.  it makes so that I have to turn myself into a sort of conqueror...  just to exist.?!

I love this write and relate very deeply.  (what makes me marvel most is the idea that I would feel like I am sowing "the enemy" my weakness?!  or something like that...  or giving people some shit they could use against me...). I probably would write it, even so.  as I tend to just write anything that comes across my desk...  but...  

I just do - Marvel.  at this write.  :)))

good morning dearest Cipher I love what you said I know I'm paranoid and it can be a difficult feeling to navigate...I like what you said about even given this state of hyper awareness you will still be you regardless of any real or perceived attack... I agree with that thought who else can we be but ourselves? especially when it comes to writing I find it's either complete honesty or nothing...so I felt a little down yesterday so today when that feeling was still present I thought just get off your chess your paranoia... thank you for the love here Cipher it's deeply appreciated💕

"Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you."

nativity

thank you beautiful Emily for being here and being you❤

It's difficult to pinpoint if other person may or may not have been directing this toward you, but I could see how something like that would make you feel this way. That fourth stanza really speaks to many of those who may be experience that "sanctuary turned hellish" phase because something so sacred and special is invaded, left to pick up the pieces and clean and start all over again.

Either way, I think it's a wonderful poem, showing that you have a beautiful soul.

thank you dearest Wally for understanding it seemed best just to express that feeling wrong or right just release and not let it get in my way with my writing... I deeply appreciate you❤