deepundergroundpoetry.com
WHAT, AGAIN WITH ALL THIS ONENESS STUFF (2-8-2009, 6:38pm, Palm Springs, California)
wherein
the subtle
here and there
lies
the unseen
there in here
where
in between
the perceptual
surface
of them both
hides
the unknown
greater essence
of them each
where
just beyond
the illusive
illusory reach
of whatever
truths
you may think
you know
and believe
exists perhaps
an even greater
truth
without voice
name
nor form
beyond
all language
beyond
all human
comprehension
which simply
is
the greatest
sum
of all
that is
both of
and beyond
the ineffable
oneness
of and within
this inseparable
oneness
we
and all things
are
Published 14th Aug 2021
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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The author encourages honest critique.
14th Aug 2021 7:20am
Kind of enjoy, I think.
I'm reminded of the last line of TS Eliot's, "The Naming of Cats":
When you notice a cat in profound meditation,
The reason, I tell you, is always the same:
His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation
Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name:
His ineffable effable
Effanineffable
Deep and inscrutable singular name.
The playful word salad is enjoyable, and engages this reader.
Honest critique: the word salad needs be a bit more grounded in a "real"-type IRL situation, to anchor me the reader.
Consider, it starts with "wherein," but wherin needs something it's referring to (an antecedent, I think(?)), but there's nothing, and we just get plunged in. And then the playfulness starts a bit too fast, especially since we have no substantial grounding.
Really a lot to enjoy here--the subtle wit, the word-play--but just a bit more grounding would help the reader.
Enjoyed!
I'm reminded of the last line of TS Eliot's, "The Naming of Cats":
When you notice a cat in profound meditation,
The reason, I tell you, is always the same:
His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation
Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name:
His ineffable effable
Effanineffable
Deep and inscrutable singular name.
The playful word salad is enjoyable, and engages this reader.
Honest critique: the word salad needs be a bit more grounded in a "real"-type IRL situation, to anchor me the reader.
Consider, it starts with "wherein," but wherin needs something it's referring to (an antecedent, I think(?)), but there's nothing, and we just get plunged in. And then the playfulness starts a bit too fast, especially since we have no substantial grounding.
Really a lot to enjoy here--the subtle wit, the word-play--but just a bit more grounding would help the reader.
Enjoyed!
Thanks Mark for so freely sharing with me the very insightful & most interesting additional literary references & associational contexts here in your generously constructive comments. I can both see (& 'feel') all your intriguing key points & I will definitely now be further & more deeply contemplating a good bit of much of all of your own creative impressions & suggestions here (that is, whenever I can next find enough free time - 'these days!' lol). Of course, almost most of what all you 'said' & shared with me here in your very astute & appreciated feedback, agreeably resonates with me in a very helpful & most welcome way!
I almost didn't submit & post this particular, spontaneous, sudden little, unexpected poem yesterday, whose two separate, somewhat repeated (with only slightly altered wording), echoing & inserted in a seemingly completely disjointed & out of relative context way; eg.: 'vaporously lingering / blue sapphire mists', etc.) stanzas, the wording of which, just suddenly arose in my mind as I was attentively watching a very interesting documentary film on NETFLIX. So I paused the DVD, to jot down their peculiar lines, so I would be more easily able to recall them, after my Doc. movie was over. Which I promptly tried to do, but because I attempted to organically add & build on the rest of my haphazard little poem around those two central, 1st inspired key stanzas, but because their wording had arisen up to me at least a good twenty five minutes before my doc. movie had ended, I just couldn't seem to tap back into the first two stanzas stream of consciousness origin's source & so all the other, latently added in words I tried to fit in around those two stanzas, just never quite seemed to fit in a satisfying way at all (sort of like they were the two (more interesting stones, which the remainder of the poem's wording was built into & around (like the metal band of a ring, which my initial 2 stanzas/'stones' were set into, which to my frustrated dismay, made the poem itself seem & feel to me, more like one ugly, half-assed excuse & result, as either a ring or a poem & of which I wasn't even sure, in my haste whether it met or not, my usually much higher level of more worthy personal integrity & standards of sufficient quality & consistency, out of self-respect for myself as a life long poet & creative writer. But because I impulsively decided to go ahead & submit it anyway, with the intention of going back to more satisfyingly tweak, revise & hopefully reshape & finesse it later on & having shortly before it, submitted & posted another newly written poem I had written just the day before, I wanted to try & get my 2 new poems submitted onto DUP, in order to meet it's only two new submissions quota limit, every 8 hours, which now, esp. after reading your 3rd person, reader impressions & your very insightful comments, I wish I hadn't posted it now & had waited instead
to possibly post later, after I had given more time & focused (tuned-in) attention towards trying to flesh it all out in a much more dynamically & creatively satisfying, more seamlessly interwoven way.
But now, as I said, I can at least still attempt to do so, but with the additional benefit of now being able to do so, while filtering that mostly intuitive & muse guided process, through the added, beneficial filter of your text's comments insightfully helpful words!... 'IF', that is, my fractured, patchwork, disjointedly hasty little poem here, can be salvaged & finessed at all? - 'HA!!!'
My apologies to you here Mark, for my overly & perhaps even exhaustingly long, follow-up, thank you & semi-explanatory response text to you here, but somehow I knew that a much shorter, more succinct, simple 'Thank you', just wouldn't have been quite enough to sufficiently counterbalance, nor adequately express to you my sincere thanks for all the constructively useful, insights & suggestions, which your own (considerably longer than most comments I receive from other DUP members here) have provided me!!!
👁🦋👁 ... 👁☀️👁 ...🔥🖌- 👍🏼☀️
Dennis / OyateInyanNajin
*** ERRONEOUS CORRECTION here:
Upon proof reading (only after I had submitted & sent my follow-up response text to you in regards to your comments about my poem here, to my sudden, shocked & frustrated dismay, I saw that I had somehow written out my entire, ridiculously long & overly-explanatory text's follow-up response to you here, mistakenly thinking your comments were about the other (2nd new poem I had submitted right after submitting my 1st poem (!!!🙀😱🙀!!!). So, I just wanted to let you know about my huge error here, so as to hopefully not overly confuse you, after reading it all?!!!? I saw the notice on my DUP HOME PAGE that You had actually commented on both of the new poems I had submitted yesterday afternoon & evening, so I opened up both my poems to read whatever your comments on them each might be, but I thought your text comments here (I just erroneously overly-responded to) we're all about, in reference & in regards to my other poem, when now after sending my follow-up text response comments back to you here, I discovered that your comments I responded to, were about & in regards to my 'OTHER' poem instead!!! So, you can just apply my my comment's overly long epistle to the other poem, which your wonderful commentary response here were actually referring to & I can & will now also simply do the same thing (but with the shoe on my other foot!) here when I next open up to read whatever response you've also sent me in regards to it too!... (sigh...). Thanks again for both your responses & for you epic patience in regards to this somewhat farcical, messily tangled, 'Comedy of ERRORS' I've unfortunately now created here! lol - 👍🏻☀️🌵
I almost didn't submit & post this particular, spontaneous, sudden little, unexpected poem yesterday, whose two separate, somewhat repeated (with only slightly altered wording), echoing & inserted in a seemingly completely disjointed & out of relative context way; eg.: 'vaporously lingering / blue sapphire mists', etc.) stanzas, the wording of which, just suddenly arose in my mind as I was attentively watching a very interesting documentary film on NETFLIX. So I paused the DVD, to jot down their peculiar lines, so I would be more easily able to recall them, after my Doc. movie was over. Which I promptly tried to do, but because I attempted to organically add & build on the rest of my haphazard little poem around those two central, 1st inspired key stanzas, but because their wording had arisen up to me at least a good twenty five minutes before my doc. movie had ended, I just couldn't seem to tap back into the first two stanzas stream of consciousness origin's source & so all the other, latently added in words I tried to fit in around those two stanzas, just never quite seemed to fit in a satisfying way at all (sort of like they were the two (more interesting stones, which the remainder of the poem's wording was built into & around (like the metal band of a ring, which my initial 2 stanzas/'stones' were set into, which to my frustrated dismay, made the poem itself seem & feel to me, more like one ugly, half-assed excuse & result, as either a ring or a poem & of which I wasn't even sure, in my haste whether it met or not, my usually much higher level of more worthy personal integrity & standards of sufficient quality & consistency, out of self-respect for myself as a life long poet & creative writer. But because I impulsively decided to go ahead & submit it anyway, with the intention of going back to more satisfyingly tweak, revise & hopefully reshape & finesse it later on & having shortly before it, submitted & posted another newly written poem I had written just the day before, I wanted to try & get my 2 new poems submitted onto DUP, in order to meet it's only two new submissions quota limit, every 8 hours, which now, esp. after reading your 3rd person, reader impressions & your very insightful comments, I wish I hadn't posted it now & had waited instead
to possibly post later, after I had given more time & focused (tuned-in) attention towards trying to flesh it all out in a much more dynamically & creatively satisfying, more seamlessly interwoven way.
But now, as I said, I can at least still attempt to do so, but with the additional benefit of now being able to do so, while filtering that mostly intuitive & muse guided process, through the added, beneficial filter of your text's comments insightfully helpful words!... 'IF', that is, my fractured, patchwork, disjointedly hasty little poem here, can be salvaged & finessed at all? - 'HA!!!'
My apologies to you here Mark, for my overly & perhaps even exhaustingly long, follow-up, thank you & semi-explanatory response text to you here, but somehow I knew that a much shorter, more succinct, simple 'Thank you', just wouldn't have been quite enough to sufficiently counterbalance, nor adequately express to you my sincere thanks for all the constructively useful, insights & suggestions, which your own (considerably longer than most comments I receive from other DUP members here) have provided me!!!
👁🦋👁 ... 👁☀️👁 ...🔥🖌- 👍🏼☀️
Dennis / OyateInyanNajin
*** ERRONEOUS CORRECTION here:
Upon proof reading (only after I had submitted & sent my follow-up response text to you in regards to your comments about my poem here, to my sudden, shocked & frustrated dismay, I saw that I had somehow written out my entire, ridiculously long & overly-explanatory text's follow-up response to you here, mistakenly thinking your comments were about the other (2nd new poem I had submitted right after submitting my 1st poem (!!!🙀😱🙀!!!). So, I just wanted to let you know about my huge error here, so as to hopefully not overly confuse you, after reading it all?!!!? I saw the notice on my DUP HOME PAGE that You had actually commented on both of the new poems I had submitted yesterday afternoon & evening, so I opened up both my poems to read whatever your comments on them each might be, but I thought your text comments here (I just erroneously overly-responded to) we're all about, in reference & in regards to my other poem, when now after sending my follow-up text response comments back to you here, I discovered that your comments I responded to, were about & in regards to my 'OTHER' poem instead!!! So, you can just apply my my comment's overly long epistle to the other poem, which your wonderful commentary response here were actually referring to & I can & will now also simply do the same thing (but with the shoe on my other foot!) here when I next open up to read whatever response you've also sent me in regards to it too!... (sigh...). Thanks again for both your responses & for you epic patience in regards to this somewhat farcical, messily tangled, 'Comedy of ERRORS' I've unfortunately now created here! lol - 👍🏻☀️🌵
15th Aug 2021 6:24am
When you started talking about the documentary, I thought, "that sounds more like the 2nd poem, about the sinking stone..."
And then the end--don't sweat it!
I find a lot to enjoy in your poems!
Keep writing, & best--
And then the end--don't sweat it!
I find a lot to enjoy in your poems!
Keep writing, & best--
30th Aug 2021 7:29am
3rd Sep 2021 1:40am
Thank you for your kind comment's feedback Cipher_0, happy to hear you enjoyed & appreciated this little bit of my twisty nature's & my twisty pen's natural, innermost 'twistyness'! 😎👍🏻
OIN 👁🔥👁 ... 👁☀️👁 ... 👁🦋👁
OIN 👁🔥👁 ... 👁☀️👁 ... 👁🦋👁
