When Healing Hurts (repost)

Like waking from a dream to be greeted by a nightmare
I don't know how to deal with this
When I've never known an existence without you here
And the words are a poor substitute for comfort in your absence
But it's the only way I know how to process

Tossed between relief for finality and knowing you're free from pain
In the moments when healing hurts, my heart breaks
And the tears aren't enough to express this unseen bloodstain

Orchestrations of this moment allotted upon the delay of a renewed vow
Postponed for a circumstance beyond control
Nevertheless, it was as if this was the reason
To rest and reach out to God for console

In anticipation of this unforeseen season
I smile for your joy yet I weep for this loss
In the beauty and the brokenness of the end results of sin and the cross

For the death born of the flesh, and yet resurrection in the midst of sorrow
I dreamt of a day that never came, still waiting for tomorrow

I just breathe and continue when it's all I can do
As I go through the withdrawals of life without you
Despite all that led up to this
Nothing can prepare us but to learn to accept this reality unreal
Learning to cleave to faith and think of you dancing in heaven when longing is all I feel

Thankful for a moment I saw you
In a weeks’ worth of paradise
When I met the one who made you smile
I'm blessed to call you mother, were you blessed to call me your child?

When I'm aware of all that I might have done
And my failures accuse me, yet grace lays claim
Am I an honorable son?
That does justice your legacy
To be associated with your beautiful name

Did I make you proud?
Asking questions in doubt I already know the answers to
When no one can love anyone as unconditionally as mother's do

You saw me at my ugliest and still preserved vision to call me a worthwhile endeavor
When your belief helped me to realize my potential
Though I cannot touch you, your love lives on in me unto the realms of forever

I pray I reflect well on you in this life to display the goodness of God
You were the needle that knit me together with truth as the thread
Knit into the fabric of unfailing glory
Our spirit's alive even though the body is dead

Save a dance for me on the other side of this
When the song the Lamb resounds in a place of eternal happiness
Heavy is this light affliction, this darkness that I see
A vapor within a vapor, till we meet again, unbroken for eternity

Even though you're gone I know I'm never alone
With God as my witness and all the more
You're part of what makes heaven my home...
Written by cloventongue89 (Nathaniel Peter)
Author's Note
For my mom, written for her the morning she passed away (25)
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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