STUCK SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN  (2-26-2010, 10:30am, Palm Springs, California)

so far away from  
living  
my truest bliss  
yet still relatively happy  
i guess  
though not quite  
fully content  
here in my  
present state  
of personal being  
stuck somewhere  
not clearly discernible  
in between  
worlds of it  
and this one here  
im currently living in  
of such overly complicated  
imbalanced struggle  
and leisure  
centrifugally thrown  
off center  
temporarily knocked off  
my optimal  
consciously intended course  
where time both seems  
to simultaneously  
slowly crawl  
and race away  
as well  
where i    
in my increasingly  
accelerated  
inevitable leaving  
still strive  
ironically as ever  
to seek at times  
to succeed    
yet struggle  
in finding ever deeper  
meaning  
ever truer wisdom  
through indulging in  
as many simple pleasures  
as i can  
each day    
in my ongoing  
open lifes  
continued  
spontaneous unfolding  
in nature  
in self  
in all life  
and being  
in this  
ever increasingly  
mad  crazy  
long suffering  
self destructive  
hyper volatile  
yet still  
most wondrously  
beautiful  
mysterious  
of worlds  
yet the greatest realization  
is that its in  
the collective  greater sum  
of all these things  
combined  
in unity as one  
within the wholeness  
of them all  
in which my greatest  
life lessons are learned  
and come equally    
through my
losses and gains  
my victories and defeats  
my hardships
suffering  
and joys  
just as they
also do
from and through
all my
consequential
experiential
transcendent growth
gleaned and reaped 
from all the  
hard learned  
hard earned  
essential life lessons  
collectively
and ultimately  
accrued  
throughout    
my lifes ongoing
still unfolding journey
from which  
this deeper realization  
continues  
to arise  
within me  
much like  
some ever ripening  
continuous  
inner dawn  
wherein true wisdom  
a deeper sense  
of meaning  
and a clearer  
inner sense of purpose  
comes  
in self evident  
answer  
in humble acceptance  
in peaceful understanding  
within this  
soul level  
depth and breadth  
of innermost recognition  
and knowing  
of the essential  
necessity  
and the greater  
transcendent value  
of and to  
it all  
both for me  
this  
my temporal self  
and all  
the world  
as well  
but the choice  
to be  
aware  
and then  
to either  
utilize  
and use it  
or not  
as our  
central compass  
as a guiding  
filter  
in our lives  
is up  
to each  
of us alone  
but just as  
we all have  
abundant  
access  
to precious  
oxygen and air  
some simply  
choose  
to breathe  
much more  
deeply  
more fully than most  
the vital  
life giving  
pranic air  
of our conscious  
living earth  
while others  
still  
in fact  
the vast majority  
of human beings  
presently living  
in this world  
so clearly  
appear to be  
barely  
breathing enough  
to ever  
consciously  
awaken enough  
to spawn  
more than hope  
in what  
little time  
we  
as a species  
and all other  
life forms  
along with us  
here  
may  
or may not  
still have  
left to us now
especially here
at this present
most precariously
uncertain point
in our living
conscious being
as a self destructive
ego blinded
species
disastrously flailing
too long failed
misplacement
here in
and beyond
all this illusory
linear
space and time
anymore  
at all