ill

my paranoia stuck and I said mean things
hurtful words that stung
very delusional I was swinging at imaginary assassins
I shouldn't have been on site

this was my hiding place
I was trying to cover it up in my day to day
cover up how bad off I was
this place was the only place I had to let things out

I look over those words now
and I know they aren't who I really am
I felt attacked, politics were bad at that time
my broken mind latched on
I thought I was dealing with an alien intelligence
I was so very sick

I can't promise it won't happen again
it usually comes up at least once a year
I do my best
I take my meds
it doesn't always work

my core values don't match
with the sickness that speaks through me
paranoia at the heart of things

I wasn't directing my feelings at you poets
more I saw this as a portal
to release my discontent with the universe...