deepundergroundpoetry.com
Monochrome Mind
Dark blank black eyes
is it not clear what you see in the mirror.
Monochrome numb naething mind
is it not what we left behind.
is it not clear what you see in the mirror.
Monochrome numb naething mind
is it not what we left behind.
Published 4th Aug 2021
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 1
reading list entries 0
comments 2
reads 303
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
good to see you around fellow
i like the numbness you've captured here reminds me of the uncertainty that can leave us feeling like we're delving in unknown territory, in a short poem that takes an incredible amount of skill to be honest 🙂
just a little suggestion you could probably lose black in the first line as it reads well without it & perhaps change numb into numbing to lose naething? it's up to you it's just something that caught my eye while i was here reading you
i hope you're doing well 😎
-ethan
i like the numbness you've captured here reminds me of the uncertainty that can leave us feeling like we're delving in unknown territory, in a short poem that takes an incredible amount of skill to be honest 🙂
just a little suggestion you could probably lose black in the first line as it reads well without it & perhaps change numb into numbing to lose naething? it's up to you it's just something that caught my eye while i was here reading you
i hope you're doing well 😎
-ethan
4th Aug 2021 8:43pm
Thank-you for your comment! Ill definitely think over your suggestions for a bit! :)
