To Burn [Emily]

You had 30 years
To show me love
30 years to be
My big sister
You taunted me
You pushed me out
Into the rain
And locked the door
While laughing at me
I was a child
You were a teen
Why did you so resent me?
You never knew my age
You even fucked up my name
When I was 13
I cut myself
You blamed yourself
I didnít understand
You told me then
How brother raped you
When you were as old
As I was then
And it made sense
I didnít even question
My memories of you
Locking our bedroom door
It took me 5 years
To dare ask Mom
If it was true
She said very little
But confirmed
5 more years
To ask Mom again
What the hell really happened
She said you were molested
Thatís just a little different
Than being raped
Years more to find the courage
To ask Mom yet again
Why she didnít do anything
More of the story, finally
Itís still so fucked up
You fucked up the ages
You fucked up the gauges
You even told others your lie
But I wonder if the lie
Was really the truth
That you just couldnít tell them
When it actually happened
Regardless, your relentless
Resentment manifested
As you dared to compare
Falling upon me, your sister
You poisoned me
With your own BPD
But at least now
I have the answers
You abused me
You called it love
And said it was
In my best interest
Even as an adult
You still strung me along
And now still you haunt me
In my fkn dreams
Youíre fucking dead to me Emily
Written by nightbirdblue
Published | Edited 29th Jul 2021
Author's Note
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