deepundergroundpoetry.com
Mid July 2012 (part 3)
Day One Monday 23/7/12
I head to the pharmacy to collect the prescriptions for Nicorette. Past experiences with Nicorette didn’t help, but now the Inhalator keeps most of the cravings at bay and the taste seems to have improved since I last used it.
I go to bed about one am, more than twenty-four hours after my last cigarette. When I wake in the morning, I notice a difference: my Morning Cough has gone.
***
Day Two Tuesday 24/7
Emotional day with sudden cravings to smoke.
I receive an email. An invitation to spend a weekend in Lytham, a Lancashire coastal town, a couple of hours from where I grew up.
I spent a lot of time in the Fylde area as a child, and I have countless memories of Lytham, all happy. Nevertheless, circumstances change over the years and events occur and the magic of childhood can disappear for some people. For me, the transition from child to adult was turbulent and I no longer view Lytham in the way I once did.
I send an email, politely declining the invitation, then another email accepting. I will go. The visit to Lytham is set for a month’s time.
After lunch, I meet friends who are about to go abroad for a week. They want me to water their plants and switch various lights on and off during their absence - and, of course, they’ll pay me, as I have no regular work during the summer break. We drink freshly brewed coffee and chat in the garden, enjoying the fine weather. Obviously, tea and coffee are strong triggers for smokers - but so are emotions and memories.
As we talk, half forgotten memories of Lytham assail me, stunning me with their intensity, matched by further, almost unbearable, urges to smoke. The shore in Lytham. The mounds of sands.
I recall a party I went to in a rectangular bungalow when I was about ten-years-old. How excited I felt then, exploring the bungalow. How content, having no idea what would follow, not just for my family but for the family that hosted the party in Lytham. Tragedy and a breakdown in communications. Do I really want to return to Lytham, to face ghosts and emptiness, especially when I’ve made the major decision not to smoke?
A challenging day, but I manage not to smoke. I couldn’t do it without the support of the Quit Smoking Program and the Nicorette.
***
Day Three Wednesday 25/7
No Morning Cough again, but the urges to smoke continue. Thankfully, the Nicorette takes the edge off it.
I attend my afternoon appointment at the Medical Centre.
‘Your carbon monoxide levels are down to three,’ she says. ‘No, even lower. Two.’
‘What does that mean?’
‘It means you haven’t smoked since I last saw you. Well done.’ She studies me for a moment. ‘I think you’re going to do this. I have great hopes for you.’
Encouraging words, especially on the problematic Third Day when so many ex-smokers relapse.
I head to the pharmacy to collect the prescriptions for Nicorette. Past experiences with Nicorette didn’t help, but now the Inhalator keeps most of the cravings at bay and the taste seems to have improved since I last used it.
I go to bed about one am, more than twenty-four hours after my last cigarette. When I wake in the morning, I notice a difference: my Morning Cough has gone.
***
Day Two Tuesday 24/7
Emotional day with sudden cravings to smoke.
I receive an email. An invitation to spend a weekend in Lytham, a Lancashire coastal town, a couple of hours from where I grew up.
I spent a lot of time in the Fylde area as a child, and I have countless memories of Lytham, all happy. Nevertheless, circumstances change over the years and events occur and the magic of childhood can disappear for some people. For me, the transition from child to adult was turbulent and I no longer view Lytham in the way I once did.
I send an email, politely declining the invitation, then another email accepting. I will go. The visit to Lytham is set for a month’s time.
After lunch, I meet friends who are about to go abroad for a week. They want me to water their plants and switch various lights on and off during their absence - and, of course, they’ll pay me, as I have no regular work during the summer break. We drink freshly brewed coffee and chat in the garden, enjoying the fine weather. Obviously, tea and coffee are strong triggers for smokers - but so are emotions and memories.
As we talk, half forgotten memories of Lytham assail me, stunning me with their intensity, matched by further, almost unbearable, urges to smoke. The shore in Lytham. The mounds of sands.
I recall a party I went to in a rectangular bungalow when I was about ten-years-old. How excited I felt then, exploring the bungalow. How content, having no idea what would follow, not just for my family but for the family that hosted the party in Lytham. Tragedy and a breakdown in communications. Do I really want to return to Lytham, to face ghosts and emptiness, especially when I’ve made the major decision not to smoke?
A challenging day, but I manage not to smoke. I couldn’t do it without the support of the Quit Smoking Program and the Nicorette.
***
Day Three Wednesday 25/7
No Morning Cough again, but the urges to smoke continue. Thankfully, the Nicorette takes the edge off it.
I attend my afternoon appointment at the Medical Centre.
‘Your carbon monoxide levels are down to three,’ she says. ‘No, even lower. Two.’
‘What does that mean?’
‘It means you haven’t smoked since I last saw you. Well done.’ She studies me for a moment. ‘I think you’re going to do this. I have great hopes for you.’
Encouraging words, especially on the problematic Third Day when so many ex-smokers relapse.
Published 25th Jul 2021
Author's Note
In the following few narratives, I tell the story of how I gave up smoking, something I had long believed impossible. For the sake of immediacy, I’ve written the narrative in present tense, but the events all took place during July 2012.
At this point in the story, I’ve attended an appointment at a Quit Smoking Program and the Health Practitioner in charge has agreed to issue me with prescriptions for Nicorette.
At this point in the story, I’ve attended an appointment at a Quit Smoking Program and the Health Practitioner in charge has agreed to issue me with prescriptions for Nicorette.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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25th Jul 2021 10:27pm
It's very important for any smoker to read the stages you have gone through. It will help him to quit smoking. Do you think of cigarettes from time to time, or is it a past experience that will not recur as l hope?
Hi Joseph,
Astonishingly, cigarettes hardly ever tempt me now. It's taken a long time, though.
Hope you are well,
Lawrence
Astonishingly, cigarettes hardly ever tempt me now. It's taken a long time, though.
Hope you are well,
Lawrence
26th Jul 2021 00:56am
Oh those damn triggers. They can morph from one form to another and are extremely subtle.
Great writing, Lozzamus. Can relate strongly to the narrative.
hugs,
buddhakitty.
Great writing, Lozzamus. Can relate strongly to the narrative.
hugs,
buddhakitty.
26th Jul 2021 12:53pm
Thanks very much for commenting, buddhakitty. Thankfully, the cravings have subsided considerably over the years.
Best wishes,
Lawrence
Best wishes,
Lawrence
26th Jul 2021 5:52pm
27th Jul 2021 10:43pm
