deepundergroundpoetry.com
Swallow us whole
There is a pain that dwells beneath the surface of my lungs that even death himself will not go near, As if it is a nuclear warhead coming to its final crescendo;
Only that I myself have swallowed the warhead whole.
I think it hurts me so much because of all the times I ignored her, and the pain that she was slowly carving into the side of my rib cage.
Her name is Angelica, and she is me, except that I only acknowledge my own pain,
In fear that once I let the torn tattered carcass of my soul out, she will never go back in.
I do not cry at night anymore, because I am too afraid that once I start she will never stop.
I think that I have kept her hidden away for so long is because I do not want to feel the familiar sting of the pain I have carried with us for so long.
I am too scared to let that lonely afraid woman out, because deep down I know she has gone mad with rage, and I do not have the heart to kill the last bits of my soul.
I tell myself that this is human nature, that the pain in my chest demanding to be felt is normal and that I am not in denial.
As if I do not feel the woman inside my chest dying, as If the pain is not killing me too.
Only that I myself have swallowed the warhead whole.
I think it hurts me so much because of all the times I ignored her, and the pain that she was slowly carving into the side of my rib cage.
Her name is Angelica, and she is me, except that I only acknowledge my own pain,
In fear that once I let the torn tattered carcass of my soul out, she will never go back in.
I do not cry at night anymore, because I am too afraid that once I start she will never stop.
I think that I have kept her hidden away for so long is because I do not want to feel the familiar sting of the pain I have carried with us for so long.
I am too scared to let that lonely afraid woman out, because deep down I know she has gone mad with rage, and I do not have the heart to kill the last bits of my soul.
I tell myself that this is human nature, that the pain in my chest demanding to be felt is normal and that I am not in denial.
As if I do not feel the woman inside my chest dying, as If the pain is not killing me too.
Published 12th Jul 2021
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Anonymous
12th Jul 2021 7:59am
Such poignant and palpable evoking....
🌹 -
I hear you
🌹 -
I hear you
