The issue of "I" and the self absorbed soul

I used to think I was deep
And misunderstood
When the reality is
I am far too self absorbed
To be capable
Of the profound

It’s all in the “I”
I am, I want, I hate
I need, I think, I feel
“How are you?”
I can’t say for sure
That it wasn’t
An afterthought

I used to feel like
I was different
Never even
Never on the same wave length
I’m better…
I’m worse…
All wrapped into
A paradox
With an inferiority complex
And whispers of
“I’m smarter than you”
In the back of my head

And how does one fit?
How does one speak?
How does one not be…
A complete social retard?
Observing the social norms
And never being able to recreate them
Without looking like a wannabe

I speak wrong
“Shut up with your big words!”
Did you know?
I spent most of my life
Dumbing myself down
‘Cause no one likes
A smart girl
A smart ass
Someone that’ll
Show them up

And it’s not like
I’m some kind of genius
I never even finished
High school
Nor ever gave a fuck
That I had no academic

Being smart
Never made me lovable

Artistry made me a freak
Death, dying
The Spanish Inquisition
Nineteenth century prostitutes
It’s all life at its lowest
Dark psychology
Let me study a sociopath
Just for the thrill

Philosophy of the disassociative
Where life is like…
A snow globe
Press the walls
And hope they shatter
We’re all made of plastic
Can’t you see?
We’re all so small
Doesn’t help
My complex
That I don’t really matter
‘Cause I am trapped
In my own bubble anyway

And I used to think…
The I, always the I
When the truth is…
It’s a sad reality
When it’s all about me

So “How are you today?”
Now don’t lie
I really want to know...

© Indie Adams 2012
Written by Indie (Miss Indie)
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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