deepundergroundpoetry.com
WHEN FRIENDS KEEP AWAY
WHEN FRIENDS KEEP AWAY
Scourges come from who are holding
my salvation on their platter.
They're the people who can offer
friendship which l need for living.
Need for friends is need for water
which can quench my inner fire
and it gives the juice that's urgent
for my blood, my heart, and liver.
Friends, you are my great supporters
after those who are my spirit.
You endow me further power
when l fall, and help l'm begging.
Life won't smile when you are absent.
Being around, you are my helpers.
I will feel that life is surer
as l need you when l suffer.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
Scourges come from who are holding
my salvation on their platter.
They're the people who can offer
friendship which l need for living.
Need for friends is need for water
which can quench my inner fire
and it gives the juice that's urgent
for my blood, my heart, and liver.
Friends, you are my great supporters
after those who are my spirit.
You endow me further power
when l fall, and help l'm begging.
Life won't smile when you are absent.
Being around, you are my helpers.
I will feel that life is surer
as l need you when l suffer.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Re. WHEN FRIENDS KEEP AWAY
28th Jun 2021 8:55pm
Really like this write ... bold ... yet vulnerable ... in perfect measure ...
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Re. WHEN FRIENDS KEEP AWAY
28th Jun 2021 9:25pm
Very dear Lil,
Thank you very much for your very kind words and encouragement.
Thank you very much for your very kind words and encouragement.
Re. WHEN FRIENDS KEEP AWAY
"and it gives the juice that's urgent
for my blood, my heart, and liver."
Your blood and liver need "juice"? And what's the urgency you speak of that is overcome by your blood and heart and liver receiving juice?
And what's with the claim that those who hold salvation on their plates are sending you great sufferings?
https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/scourge
Why would you want to have their friendship?
Sorry, but this is another submission of yours whose internal logic is a mess.
And, leaving aside the fact that a better title for this mess would be "When Friends Stay Away", you really don't say within it what happens when friends keep themselves away from you or why it is that they have shunned you or that they have actually done so.
for my blood, my heart, and liver."
Your blood and liver need "juice"? And what's the urgency you speak of that is overcome by your blood and heart and liver receiving juice?
And what's with the claim that those who hold salvation on their plates are sending you great sufferings?
https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/scourge
Why would you want to have their friendship?
Sorry, but this is another submission of yours whose internal logic is a mess.
And, leaving aside the fact that a better title for this mess would be "When Friends Stay Away", you really don't say within it what happens when friends keep themselves away from you or why it is that they have shunned you or that they have actually done so.
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Re. WHEN FRIENDS KEEP AWAY
29th Jun 2021 1:23pm
I told my friend
“My blood and heart
and liver need some juice!”.
And he replied
“Would that be apple, orange, or grape
and with some water sluiced?”.
“My blood and heart
and liver need some juice!”.
And he replied
“Would that be apple, orange, or grape
and with some water sluiced?”.
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Re. WHEN FRIENDS KEEP AWAY
1st Jul 2021 8:18am
Dear Baldwin,
1-l am surprised that you didn't understand l meant by the juice the water which we need for our blood and all our organs.
2- You suppose that l am writing a novel, and l should explain every single point not leaving anything for you to understand although it is very clear.
1-l am surprised that you didn't understand l meant by the juice the water which we need for our blood and all our organs.
2- You suppose that l am writing a novel, and l should explain every single point not leaving anything for you to understand although it is very clear.
Re: Re. WHEN FRIENDS KEEP AWAY
When my good friends
(or friends I thought were good)
have kept themselves so purposely
away from me
for any length of time,
as they now do,
I know the dark snarl of
abandonment and grief.
And then I find
I have to ask myself in brief
what I’ve done wrong
to have become within their eyes
some foul pariahed entity.
I wish I had a “why”
for this regard
that I quite understood.
For if I knew
what it was I need to rectify
I would.
Do I smell? Do I look like hell?
Or is that they’ve grown so tired
of my saying “hey! look here at these things
that I indite,
and do not want,
despite my claims
to write as if I had God’s grace
behind my pen,
to read, because they can’t abide,
my telly and no show declamatory,
and language bruised,
attempts at poetry,
and how all my defense
of what I write is tempered
narcissistically ?
“Since narcissists deep down feel themselves to be faultless, it is inevitable that when they are in conflict with the world they will invariably perceive the conflict as the world’s fault.” – M. Scott Peck
(or friends I thought were good)
have kept themselves so purposely
away from me
for any length of time,
as they now do,
I know the dark snarl of
abandonment and grief.
And then I find
I have to ask myself in brief
what I’ve done wrong
to have become within their eyes
some foul pariahed entity.
I wish I had a “why”
for this regard
that I quite understood.
For if I knew
what it was I need to rectify
I would.
Do I smell? Do I look like hell?
Or is that they’ve grown so tired
of my saying “hey! look here at these things
that I indite,
and do not want,
despite my claims
to write as if I had God’s grace
behind my pen,
to read, because they can’t abide,
my telly and no show declamatory,
and language bruised,
attempts at poetry,
and how all my defense
of what I write is tempered
narcissistically ?
“Since narcissists deep down feel themselves to be faultless, it is inevitable that when they are in conflict with the world they will invariably perceive the conflict as the world’s fault.” – M. Scott Peck
0
Re: Re. WHEN FRIENDS KEEP AWAY
"Dear Baldwin,
1-l am surprised that you didn't understand l meant by the juice the water which we need for our blood and all our organs."
Leaving aside the fact that you don't say what our blood and "all our organs" (presumably lungs and brain as well as liver) need water/juice for, let alone demonstrate that they do indeed need water/juice for some purpose, I am surprise that you think juice is the same thing as water or that water is the same as juice. On your logic, you'd have no grounds for complaining that a waiter brought you water when you specifically ordered juice.
"2- You suppose that l am writing a novel, and l should explain every single point not leaving anything for you to understand although it is very clear".
I supposed no such thing nor did I ask you to explain every single "point" you supposedly made.
And your assumption that the meaning of what you wrote is clear, let alone "very clear", not to mention expressed poorly, is bogus.
Being surprised by what I say with respect to the broken logic in your submissions and that I (supposedly) do not understand what you think you have conveyed clearly in your them does not mean that you are right when you claim against my observations about how poorly you write are wrong and overwrought. It just means that you are too narcissistic to view or entertain the possibility that any claim about, or actual demonstration of, your linguistic and literary incompetence could ever be true.
1-l am surprised that you didn't understand l meant by the juice the water which we need for our blood and all our organs."
Leaving aside the fact that you don't say what our blood and "all our organs" (presumably lungs and brain as well as liver) need water/juice for, let alone demonstrate that they do indeed need water/juice for some purpose, I am surprise that you think juice is the same thing as water or that water is the same as juice. On your logic, you'd have no grounds for complaining that a waiter brought you water when you specifically ordered juice.
"2- You suppose that l am writing a novel, and l should explain every single point not leaving anything for you to understand although it is very clear".
I supposed no such thing nor did I ask you to explain every single "point" you supposedly made.
And your assumption that the meaning of what you wrote is clear, let alone "very clear", not to mention expressed poorly, is bogus.
Being surprised by what I say with respect to the broken logic in your submissions and that I (supposedly) do not understand what you think you have conveyed clearly in your them does not mean that you are right when you claim against my observations about how poorly you write are wrong and overwrought. It just means that you are too narcissistic to view or entertain the possibility that any claim about, or actual demonstration of, your linguistic and literary incompetence could ever be true.
0
Re. WHEN FRIENDS KEEP AWAY
Re: Re. WHEN FRIENDS KEEP AWAY
And just who are these "much better poets"? What makes them "much better"? And what makes you think that they actually possess critical acumen?
0
Re: Re. WHEN FRIENDS KEEP AWAY
What will make me happy is that you state plainly whether or not you think
1. that it is impossible for you to write poorly, and
2. that the reason someone might not understand what you have written is only and solely because he/she lacks "poetic" imagination and not because of linguistic and literary infelicities on your part.
In addition, to make me happy you would need to actually **demonstrate ** (through sound argument and through citing relevant evidence) how and why each of the faults that I note are to be found in any of your submissions that I comment on are off the mark if you think they are. Declaring them as nonsense, not to mention ignoring or skating over most of them in silence, is NOT what you need to do if you want to be friends with me, and
You would also have to refrain from attacking my person, claiming that I know nothing about poetry, putting words in my mouth so that you can score some points against what I say to you, and thinking that red herrings are actual answers to questions I ask of you.
In other words, act like a responsible adult, not a narcissist, when you reply to what I say to you.
“Sometimes people don’t want to hear the truth because they don’t want their illusions destroyed.’’
— Friedrich Nietzsche
1. that it is impossible for you to write poorly, and
2. that the reason someone might not understand what you have written is only and solely because he/she lacks "poetic" imagination and not because of linguistic and literary infelicities on your part.
In addition, to make me happy you would need to actually **demonstrate ** (through sound argument and through citing relevant evidence) how and why each of the faults that I note are to be found in any of your submissions that I comment on are off the mark if you think they are. Declaring them as nonsense, not to mention ignoring or skating over most of them in silence, is NOT what you need to do if you want to be friends with me, and
You would also have to refrain from attacking my person, claiming that I know nothing about poetry, putting words in my mouth so that you can score some points against what I say to you, and thinking that red herrings are actual answers to questions I ask of you.
In other words, act like a responsible adult, not a narcissist, when you reply to what I say to you.
“Sometimes people don’t want to hear the truth because they don’t want their illusions destroyed.’’
— Friedrich Nietzsche
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Re. WHEN FRIENDS KEEP AWAY
2nd Jul 2021 3:39pm
Re: Re. WHEN FRIENDS KEEP AWAY
You were speaking about what would make me happy given that we were friends. So the issue is what friends do for their friends to make them happy, not what the conditions are for being someone's friend.
In any case, if you were truly my friend, you wouldn't have treated me the way you have (and continue to do).
And there are indeed conditions to friendship -- namely, that one treats the other and his/her warranted opinions with respect and refuses to engage in misrepresentations and unwarranted denigrations of what one says to the other (as you have done with what I've said to you) and is honest in their dealings with the other.
With friends like you, who needs enemies?
In any case, if you were truly my friend, you wouldn't have treated me the way you have (and continue to do).
And there are indeed conditions to friendship -- namely, that one treats the other and his/her warranted opinions with respect and refuses to engage in misrepresentations and unwarranted denigrations of what one says to the other (as you have done with what I've said to you) and is honest in their dealings with the other.
With friends like you, who needs enemies?
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Re. WHEN FRIENDS KEEP AWAY
2nd Jul 2021 5:20pm
Re: Re. WHEN FRIENDS KEEP AWAY
2nd Jul 2021 5:46pm
"I wonder how you can say such a thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I wonder how you can deny that it's true.
I wonder how you can deny that it's true.
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Re. WHEN FRIENDS KEEP AWAY
3rd Jul 2021 4:31pm
BTW, Your line "Scourges come from who are holding my salvation on their platter" does not make any sense. Does your salvation (from what?) really lie on a platter??). But more importantly it contains a solecism. Relative clauses beginning with "who" require a fronted stated subject. This should have been written as "Scourges come from **those who** are holding ..." or "Scourges come from **the ones who**/**my friends who** are holding ..."
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Re. WHEN FRIENDS KEEP AWAY
"Scourges come from who are holding
my salvation on their platter."
May l know what kind of dependent clause [WHO ARE HOLDING MY SALVATION ON THEIR PLATTER] is?
my salvation on their platter."
May l know what kind of dependent clause [WHO ARE HOLDING MY SALVATION ON THEIR PLATTER] is?
Re. WHEN FRIENDS KEEP AWAY
"May l know what kind of dependent clause [WHO ARE HOLDING MY SALVATION ON THEIR PLATTER] is?"
Here's another example of your penchant to skip over and/or neglect what I say to you and to be blind to the fact that I already noted what kind of a dependent clause the above is.
And to underline what I noted that this kind of clause demands -- as well as how you failed to provide it -- note this:
A relative clause is one kind of dependent clause. It has a subject and verb, but can’t stand alone as a sentence. It is sometimes called an “adjective clause” because it functions like an adjective—it gives more information **about a noun""
https://writingcenter.unc.edu/tips-and-tools/relative-clauses/
"What is a relative clause?
Relative clauses are a special form of dependent clause that begin with either a relative pronoun (who, whom, whose, that, or which) or a relative adverb (when, where, or why).
The clause itself acts as an adjective phrase, **describing the noun or noun phrase it modifies.** In other words, a relative clause will describe the noun, telling you which one or what kind it is.
"A defining relative clause tells **which noun we are talking about""
https://www.perfect-english-grammar.com/relative-clauses.html
Here's another example of your penchant to skip over and/or neglect what I say to you and to be blind to the fact that I already noted what kind of a dependent clause the above is.
And to underline what I noted that this kind of clause demands -- as well as how you failed to provide it -- note this:
A relative clause is one kind of dependent clause. It has a subject and verb, but can’t stand alone as a sentence. It is sometimes called an “adjective clause” because it functions like an adjective—it gives more information **about a noun""
https://writingcenter.unc.edu/tips-and-tools/relative-clauses/
"What is a relative clause?
Relative clauses are a special form of dependent clause that begin with either a relative pronoun (who, whom, whose, that, or which) or a relative adverb (when, where, or why).
The clause itself acts as an adjective phrase, **describing the noun or noun phrase it modifies.** In other words, a relative clause will describe the noun, telling you which one or what kind it is.
"A defining relative clause tells **which noun we are talking about""
https://www.perfect-english-grammar.com/relative-clauses.html
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Re. WHEN FRIENDS KEEP AWAY
3rd Jul 2021 7:26pm