"Yeah, why is she going crazy?"

TW domestic abuse, mention of drugs, cheating, etc.  
 
 
 
 
Knife to my throat.
I thought it was a joke.  
Then drown me in the tub
and blame it on your drugs.  
Slap me across the face
for trying to escape.
Then chase me to my car
so you can fake cry and say sorry.  
 
Hold our wedding by a thread
like a gun to my head.  
You tell me to quit crying.
I can't when you keep lying.  
Last night was great,
what happened today?
I say 'I love you' yet
you say I'll be lucky when you're dead?
 
I want to tell you you're okay,
make your demons go away.
Every week you say you'll stay,
then you disappear for days.  
There's no purpose to our fights,
you just drink & say you're right.
What are you talking about?
My parents are home, please don't shout..
 
You don't know how to get attention without falling apart.
Like you make it a contest, counting our scars like fucking stars.
Like if I worry & chase you, it'll make you feel loved -  
I could run around the world & it wouldn't be enough.
One day 'I love you, Kitten'.
The next you're yelling, hitting.  
If I forgive & call you Daddy
Will you still hurt me as badly?
 
My fault for ignoring red flags,
just thought you deserved every chance.  
You show your friends scratches, they ask why I'm going crazy
but you fail to mention they're from me trying to reach safety.  
You chase no meaning, just feeling.
Drugs, chains, cheating.
Now if you're the main character, who's the author?
Because they're writing you out to be just like your father.