deepundergroundpoetry.com

In Sickness or Health

I daydream of gum and water
Of rinsing ensure cans to prove that Im eating enough
Back then when people would hug me
They could run their fingers over the bones in my spine
Just by looking at my hands you could count my bones
They would always tell me that I was beautiful
Beautiful for someone so sick that is
But that is no longer the case now is it...
Its hard not to put how I looked in the past on a pedestal
To mentally worship the body that was thin and sick
Not the body that is fat and sick presently
The thin sick girl always seems to get the most empathy
The girl that with one blink and shes gone
That you can fold up and hold her cold body to yours
Not this voluminous curvaceous prison I'm in
There is no blinking and I am gone
You cannot fold this body against yours when I am cold
Gods how I miss being something people considered beautiful
It is so hard to find value in my face tonight
When the scale tells me numbers that society hates
There is nothing that I can do tonight is there?
I was a skinny girl once and I know the hardships
But I remember the outweighing privileges too
I know how differently I am treated now
I can highlight all the different shades of treatment
They give sick skinny girls rich, savory soups
And they give celery sticks to the fat ones
I will rip out the tongue of the next doctor who judges these hips
And places the blame of my sickness on these shoulders
Because honey I was sick no matter what the scale said
Written by BlueBeastGirl (Beasty)
Published
Author's Note
I cant help but wish I were dead tonight.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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