Gods and bugs
I don't want to die but I don't want to live.
I am too tired to exist.
But there are so many goals I have already achieved.
I am in too deep. †
I'm too deep in this life to make it all go away with a single sweep of a knife. †
I've lived too long not to think I would be bored if I were gone. †
I've seen so many things without which I do not think I could live. †
I know so many things that I'm scared of what might be if my brain stopped working. †
But the thing is that the things I don't know are the things I truly want to know. †
All the questions without answers bother me. †
I want to know where do we go when we die and if there is such a thing as afterlife is it forever or will I be thrown into this pond of life for a second time. †
I don't know if I can handle having a second life. †
To be thrown into this ocean of life like a pebble and sink to the bottom until I die. †
And I can't stop thinking about how if I was Eve no apple would tempt me. †
And I can't stop resenting god for making temptations that ruin paradise. †
I really do think he hates us and that we're just playthings to him. †
Puppets on a string. †
Worms beneath his feet. †
We're to him what ants and bugs are to us. †
We're worthless as dust. †
Because when you go kill a bug you don't stop to think if it has a family. †
If it enjoys life or if it hurts to get squashed. †
You crush it without remorse and flush it down the toilet simply because it's gross. †
I don't want to be a bug. †
I want to be more like god.