empty

I eat too much.        
Sometimes I wish that food made me barf so I didn't have to take another bite.          
Why do I feel so empty inside?          
No matter how much I put into my body it never satisfies.          
I eat to the point my stomach hurts but I'm not done yet.          
At least not until I feel like I need to hurl.          
If I don't overeat and fill myself up to the brim until I feel like I can't breathe then I'm not done with my meal.          
     
I eat until I feel so sick that I need to take a break to breathe.          
Not an hour later I open my fridge to see what I can consume next before emptiness devours me instead.          
How am I not fat?          
I eat dessert after dessert and binge on candy until my gums and teeth hurt.          
When my jaw starts to hurt I eat ice cream so I don't have to chew.          
And when the tub of ice cream is just a tub I lick the spoon as I look for another snack and think of what could fit inside me next.          
     
I eat until I feel food stuck in my chest, and my stomach hurts and burns and I can't move or rest.          
I eat until my stomach feels like it will burst if I take a greedy gulp of air so I just sit there and ache.          
The only relief I get is that painless moment when food slides down my throat before it reaches my craving and upset stomach.          
     
I can't get rid of this emptiness that I can't even call hunger.          
I wish that this emptiness didn't weigh me down and make me sink.          
I wish I could just fucking breathe.          
     
Food is a battle I don't know how to fight.      
I wish I could feel alright.      
But the more I try to control food the more it controls me.      
     
I drink copious amounts of water to try and trick my stomach into thinking it's full but my stomach is no fool.          
It never works and it always ends up worse.

I eat Nutella and peanut butter all the time.          
There are two jars under my bed at all times.
I finish both within a week and wonder how I'm not obese.          
     
And I'm just waiting for the day when my doctor tells me I got some sugar disease.          
I eat so much candy that my teeth ache and I can feel my organs rot.       
     
I don't know exactly when this binging will bring me to my death but I hope I'm still skinny when it all ends.