Before

Time passes, older I grow, I’ve begun to want what it was like before.
Before, it was happier.
Worries weren’t yet waging war within me.
I hadn’t yet seen the life that would make me wonder if life was worth it.

Before, it was just cartoons and cereal on Saturday morning.
Now I know news, all of which seems to be negative and nuclear.
Before, my face lit up in front of the television.
Now the television tells me tales of tyranny and tearful testimonies.

Before, I wasn’t aware of the ways of the world, not yet was I keen to its cruelty.
I had yet to realize the planet which I call home was bursting into flames.
I hadn’t yet seen millions die for a monarchy masquerading as democracy.
I now know those in power care not about any of it unless their pockets are being lined.

Before, my friends couldn’t wait to see the next day.
Now they can’t wait to see their last.
Broken by betrayal and ailed by abuse, they now desire to dance with death.
I’m afraid I’ll lose them all to pills or bullets or slit wrists or nooses.

Before, I wanted to know everything.
Now I wish I knew nothing.
I should’ve listened when I was told that ignorance is bliss.
I should’ve listened when they told me I’d miss before.