Present + Silent = Absent

I don't know where i go,
When i fade away.
I keep busy but retrospect;
Seems i lost the day.
 
Am i even here?
Unsure what to say.
Countless equations working;
Yet i sit blank
 
I'm unsure i exist,
Until i touch the ground.
Dirt under my nails,
It feels so profound.
 
It's hard to explain,
Bury my hands again.
It's baptising my soul.
Sentiment of sediment.
 
I don't know where i am.
Fuck, it's happened once more.
This is the third time by my count...
Or maybe it's four.
 
It's fulfilling in finding myself,
Each time that I'm lost.
This time i just don't feel like searching.
This time it feels like a lost cause.
 
I don't know what to say.
Yet here i am, in writing.
It's ok, i promise myself.
I'm just flowing with timing.
 
And i know soon enough,
I'll work past my infighting.
But right now i am hiding.
Until i feel like trying.