deepundergroundpoetry.com

Lucifer's Face

I exist in a bottle
I bite like a snake
I track your soul
Until you break
I'll force you down
A bloody drain
No im not a clown
And im not insane

You exist like a temple
Let me in
Submit to me
Im your friend
You shy away
Yet you want to sin
If you dont take me
Its the end

Give me your sanity
I control you
Your just a game
Your fun to do
But i want more
Ill come for you
Dont runaway
From something new

Give me your hand
I want your mind
Please go to sleep
I need you blind
Open your heart
It might not beat
Next time
When God turns you away
I know your mine ;)

Written by AfterSexDilemma

Published 17th May 2021

#faith

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The author encourages honest critique.

Re. Lucifer's Face

arortiz73 (MTP)

17th May 2021 5:25pm

In its current state, this is mostly a convincing and captivating poem. When I write a poem, I usually post it here when about 90% polished, then I spend the next few days fixating from a reader's perspective, heavily dissecting and critiquing the work. This usually makes me dream about parts of the poem that stuck out in awkward ways, and gives me insight on how to perfect them. If you're a poet who is about perfecting a masterpiece, (and this is definitely a piece that is worth the time), then there are some areas here that could use some more attention...

* No im not a clown
* And im not insane
* If you dont take me
* Its the end
* But i want more
* Ill come for you
* Dont runaway
* From something new
* Next time
* When God turns you away
* I know your mine ;)