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Bitter Secret
And there you are. You only think over and over trying to find a reason you can't explain with clarity.
You try to find a way to explain it, but how would you tell someone you were abused? What would anyone think? You stay up late wishing this was only a bad dream but the next day you wake up and sigh, shedding a tear after accepting the fact that it happened.
You get up and see yourself in the mirror, your eyes have lost the light, you are ashamed of your own body so you dress up with the best clothes you have, put some make up on and you brush your hair until it looks good. You slide into your shoes and draw the fakest smile on your face to convince yourself that you're alright. There's when you leave your room, turn off the light and leave quickly, because now like a little girl you're afraid of the dark.
When someone asks you how are you, you make the fakest smile you practiced in front of the mirror and you say the biggest yet easiest lie you can tell: "I'm alright". You spend the day pretending that nothing happened, hiding thia secret and no one notices; you feel thankful because nobody can read your mind but still you want to talk to someone, still you need a shoulder to cry on until your pain is gone. But, who? You're not the same person that you used to be and if someone knows, you'll be different for them too.
You take a shower after shower, another one and again you take a shower to wash away all the shame that lays upon your body. You may feel clean on the outside but inside you're filthy, your soul has a stain that won't go away, your body has been touched by the hands of the devil, your body's been corrupted and you will remember forever.
And there you are again, alone in your room... It's 3am but your lights are still on and your bedroom is closed. You know that there's no one else yet you feel scared, yet you feel that he will show up again as he does every night in your dreams. He's become the owner of your most bitter nightmares, he's become the guilty one of your midnight showers. Now you'll stay awake all night. Maybe crying, maybe doing nothing... Thinking... Remembering.
10/10/2016
-Gabriela Camargo Miaw
You try to find a way to explain it, but how would you tell someone you were abused? What would anyone think? You stay up late wishing this was only a bad dream but the next day you wake up and sigh, shedding a tear after accepting the fact that it happened.
You get up and see yourself in the mirror, your eyes have lost the light, you are ashamed of your own body so you dress up with the best clothes you have, put some make up on and you brush your hair until it looks good. You slide into your shoes and draw the fakest smile on your face to convince yourself that you're alright. There's when you leave your room, turn off the light and leave quickly, because now like a little girl you're afraid of the dark.
When someone asks you how are you, you make the fakest smile you practiced in front of the mirror and you say the biggest yet easiest lie you can tell: "I'm alright". You spend the day pretending that nothing happened, hiding thia secret and no one notices; you feel thankful because nobody can read your mind but still you want to talk to someone, still you need a shoulder to cry on until your pain is gone. But, who? You're not the same person that you used to be and if someone knows, you'll be different for them too.
You take a shower after shower, another one and again you take a shower to wash away all the shame that lays upon your body. You may feel clean on the outside but inside you're filthy, your soul has a stain that won't go away, your body has been touched by the hands of the devil, your body's been corrupted and you will remember forever.
And there you are again, alone in your room... It's 3am but your lights are still on and your bedroom is closed. You know that there's no one else yet you feel scared, yet you feel that he will show up again as he does every night in your dreams. He's become the owner of your most bitter nightmares, he's become the guilty one of your midnight showers. Now you'll stay awake all night. Maybe crying, maybe doing nothing... Thinking... Remembering.
10/10/2016
-Gabriela Camargo Miaw
Published 6th May 2021
| Edited 27th Jun 2021
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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6th May 2021 10:12pm
Well if it repeatedly happens by let's say a slew of bandwagon jerks. The last thing u want to do is dress your best and smell all pretty. Doesn't sound like a script for repellant does it?
