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a bit of spring cleaning. (a stream of consciousness extravaganza)

 

My brow furrows  
I don't get it  
(I never quite get it!.)  
The promise of sunshine    
of tomorrow's hopes    
Always, it seems—  
it's tomorrow.  
When sometimes all I really need  
is a little bit of today    
 
There's timing  
and how it's never right.    
is it ever?    
Friends, families    
Those pressures  
so uniquely difficult    
putting upon  
pressing down
 
and forever changing.    
Hours spent trying to reconcile  
Logistics and specifics,  
it all equals less sleep    
than I need to function    
and to be called  
"healthy"    
 
I used to shine    
now I barely...  
exist in just barely  
a loss of luster    
or an appeal    
Finding myself missing,  
lost within the hordes    
of work at home    
Inconsequentials  
We're a new breed,    
p'rhaps to be added  
to those existing unnoticed    
who are only seemingly missed,  
after two weeks    
by the smell, permeating    
-I almost joke-  
We caricatures    
of the former living    
slowly being transformed  
into unsuspecting Zoom zombies    
   
The job ~ the. job.    
(sigh)  
My job    
not a career    
just a job  
How I mostly hate it    
except on days  
where I am left on my own    
as a badass lone wolf.    
Then, I miss the before  
Terribly.    
   
The wistful pre pandemic  
(*cue the montage music)    
   
https://youtu.be/CnQ8N1KacJc  
   
I felt successful    
healthy and alive    
Hopeful for a new relationship  
love or a connection    
with purpose and happiness    
Kissing! ...    
All the kisses!    
Sex, and flirting  
and more sex    
So. Much. Flirting.  
If they gave out degrees in flirting    
I'd have my doctorate  
maybe two, as I specialize    
   
Instead,    
there's today—  
where I just feel lucky    
not to have covid    
and that I'm a half vax  
to become fully on the 20th    
   
Lonely- yet alive, as a potential Zoom zombie  
(which I feel is today's version  
of a crazy cat lady, not that there's    
ANYTHING wrong with that! )    
with family issues,  
a year's long yearning desire for commitment  
and some spectacularly, incredible    
hours long, sexual scenarios of every sort  
Well, most every sort...  
   
"That's probably burying the lede.."    
 
I say out loud,  
with my mind in release    
and a long sigh  
 
finally exhaled...  
   
   
 
 
 
 
 
Written by Bluevelvete
Published | Edited 12th Apr 2021
Author's Note
© Blu2021... inside my own mental ping pong
My #Nopoo from a few days ago, cleaned up a bit...
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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