electric

through the tip of my eyelashes i caught
a different you and
a different me
naming our children and painting a future that
never existed.through the tip of my eyelashes i caught
a memory that took away
my breathing and left me curled in trying to use my skin to cover
every gaping hole i could feel inside me.


there are certain chairs i avoid in the cafe and i turn away
from people who speak like you


i have not ridden a bike since
   you
and i don't want to because the space
is too small for me to find a position that does not
feel like
   you

i still freeze when i see -


there are hours in a day
i keep for myself because
there are people who try to pull me out of
this & i can't stand the cold rush of fresh
air it is like wind pulling at loose skin,
ripping it further and making it
bleed


i cannot look people in the eye because the
reflection disgusts me


in the midst of a thunderstorm she cowered at lightning
beside me but i merely laughed because things that can kill
thrill me more.i heard once that brains could
fry and leave a person thoughtless
so i walked out into the rain
singing a favourite song
hoping to be struck by bliss.