My anxiety spikes and I donít feel normal.
So I write another page in my poetry journal.
It grounds me so I know itís not real.
Itís all in my head, itís what I feel.
Itís a nightmare except Iím awake.
I lose grip, Iím starting to shake.
The goosebumps, theyíre all over the place.
A physical reaction to something thatís fake.
A movie I made up inside my mind.
Fears and scenarios of every kind.
I donít know where they come from, where they hide.
All I know is I canít stop the movies in my mind.
The world disappears on me, I feel so blind.
I canít see the door, Iíve tried so many times.
Everything closes in, Iím suffocating.
Everything erases, Iím dissociating.
It feels like reality is just an illusion.
So I distance myself into seclusion.
Staying in my room until itís safe to come out.
Too scared to tell anyone what itís all about.
How can I say Iím breaking down?
Iíll look stupid, I might even drown.
Theyíll think Iím insane, they wonít understand.
Theyíll tell me to stop not knowing I never can.