We Pause

I pause to remember  
how undone we were  
and how you I waited for
coming through like dawn  
to greet me silently and fully.  
 
Crimson center of all  
I could ache to become,  
yet where were the recipients.  
You were secret only but to me.
I never let you define me  
yet I was the definition of you;  
arriving and departing,  
never fully here,  
amorphous and fluid  
slowly ebbing away in fits and starts  
only to return stronger.  
 
You and I congealed  
in creatinous convergence  
playing along with our fate.  
We would part one day  
and you would sink in  
a final departure.  
 
Still your ghost remains,  
haunting and paraplectic.  
I feel your tiny flutter;  
your wings phantasmagoric  
as if I could use them to  
resurrect you,
as if we could be in  
sweet opposition again  
revolving in a tragic  
drama of creation  
with no real destination  
or order.
 
As if life, itself could follow us  
and fill the empty vessel of a heart;  
ascending and fading as  
some rampant desire.
You were in my darkest corner  
with the object of it  
and you ran away like him  
with all those tears I shed;  
returning like laughter  
as you always would --  
brighter and stronger.  
 
In time I'll ask, where did you go?  
I won t miss you;  
you and I were never  
really here.  
 
       .....