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deepundergroundpoetry.com

WHORESCAPE

YOU LOOKED AROUND AT
MY FLYER-PLASTERED CEILING
MY MARIHUANA SMOKING ALIEN
ORNAMENTS IN BATTERED
NIKE AIR MAX BOXES
AND MY RASTA FIGURE ASHTRAY
OVERFLOWING WITH LIPSTICK
MARKED BUTTS OF CIGARETTES AND
SPLIFFS MORE CIGS IN THAT PILE
THAN THE YEARS I HAD LIVED

MY BOOKS, CD'S AND MAGAZINES
BURSTING FROM CHEAP
SUPERMARKET
PLASTIC BAGS' SEAMS
A SAD LACK OF CLASS
A WORLD OF CHILDISH
BELONGINGS
FROM A WORLD WHERE
I NO LONGER BELONGED
SO DIFFERENT FROM YOURS
FOR A MOMENT YOU KNEW
YOU WERE WRONG ALL ALONG
TO HAVE ONLY SEEN
ME AS A WHORE !

MY UN-MADE METAL FRAMED
SINGLE BED WHERE I'D SPREAD
MY LEGS LESS TIMES THAN I'D
LAID MY HEAD
DREAMING TOO OF MY
FUTURE
WITH YOU
MY HEART
MY SAILBOAT
MY CHAPERONE TO
HAPPINESS
WHERE WISHES
I REFUSED TO
MANIFEST
JUST HAPPENED
THEY DIDN'T NEED
TO EXIST
IN MY HEAD

IN DISGUST YOU
JUST LOOKED
AT THE WOODCHIP
WALLS ALL
BRIGHT BUT DEEP (LIKE ME)
SUNFLOWER YELLOW
THEN THE WOODWORK PAINTED
BLACK SHINY GLOSS
(SHOWING OFF ALL THE CRACKS
AND IMPERFECTIONS) SIMILAR
TO THOSE THAT YOU SAW
ABOUT ME YET AS AGNST
AS THE BLACK MY HORMONES
HAD BEEN THROUGHOUT
MY LATE TEENS UNTIL YOU
TAUGHT ME
NEW DREAMS

NOW TURNING THOSE BEAMS
TO WHITE (SO I THOUGHT)
AS HEAVENLY AS MY
IMAGINATION OF HAPPINESS
FOR YOU AND US INSTEAD
YOU
BROUGHT
ANGST ACROSS
AND YOUR WOOD WAS
BLACKENED TOO
BY MY INFLUENCE
OR RUBBED OFF ON YOU
"FORGIVE ME FATHER
AS I KNOW NOT WHAT I DO"

MY EYES SCOUR YOUR FACE
FOR LOVE AND ACCEPT
DISGUST LIKE RUST THAT
COULD BE OVERLOOKED
AND PATCHED UP WITH TLC
I WAIT FOR YOUR EYES
TO REST ON ME
AND SEE AT LAST
MY 21 YEAR OLD
MENTAL COMPASS
THAT I AM HERE FOR THE
LONG RUN
I'M THE FINISH LINE
NOT ABOUT TO LET GO
I AM YOUR PRIZE
I'M A POT OF GOLD
AT THE END OF
THE FUCKING RAINBOW

WE WERE EMBARKING ON
A JOURNEY OF KINDRED
MINDS
CAME ALIVE
EXPANDED
AT YOUR HAND
TEN FOLD
FROM THIS OLD
COUNCIL HOUSE
THE CASTLE OF MY TIME
CHILDHOOD ANTICS AND
ADVENTURES
CLAYTON IN MANCHESTER
COULD HAVE BEEN EVEREST
I DIDN'T CARE
I WAS CLAIRE THEN
AND YOU WERE THERE
TO SAVE ME
FROM MY IGNORANT
DESPAIR

I FANTASISED ABOUT THE
BRIGHT CITY LIGHTS
OF LONDON I HOPED TO
GAZE AT ONLY THROUGH
THE REFLECTIONS IN
YOUR BIG BOWIE EYES
FORGET
THE TIDES OF LIES AND
UNPRECEDENTED TIMES
WE COULD HAVE PUT
IT ALL BEHIND US
CORRUGATE OUR
LOVE AND TRUST
AS YOU DIGEST
THE STUFF
YOU MUST
THINK I AM MADE OF

AS YOU LOOK AND FUDGE
YOUR HANDS CLENCHED
IN YOUR PANTS
I CAN TELL WHAT YOU'RE
ABOUT AND IN A MOMENT
OF DOUBT YOU FEEL A PANG
OF WHAT? PITY MAYBE?
AMONGST THE ROLLING MIND
AT THE BACK OF YOUR EYES
YOU THINK IT'S WISE TO
'GIVE ME A CHANCE TO SURVIVE'
THE TRAP YOU HAVE PLANNED
HOW DID YOU SUPPOSE
I WOULD UNDERSTAND?

WHICH BASICALLY TRANSLATES
INTO THOSE  FIRST WORDS
YOU SPOKE:

"YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO WITH ME
YOU CAN STAY HERE"

(THE KINDEST THING YOU EVER
SAID TO ME) IN HINDSIGHT
I SAW YOUR PLIGHT AS YOU TRY
TO DO RIGHT I SAW RED FLAGS
THAT WEREN'T FLAGS
THEY WERE OBSTACLES
I COULD GET OVER THOSE
HURDLES WHICH GAVE FRIGHT
DESPITE
MY DELIGHT
JUST TO BE
NEXT TO YOU

AFTER A THREE HOUR DRIVE
FROM WHERE YOU HAD BEEN
TO WHERE I WOULD BE
WAITING THERE'S NO WAY
I WAS ACCEPTING YOUR
PENSIVE HESITATING
I SUPPOSE ITS MY FAULT
AND I SHOULD THANK YOU
FOR THE CHANCE YOU
GAVE ME TO SAVE ME
ALTHOUGH I HAD THOUGHT
THAT YOU WANTED TO SAVE
YOU FROM MY TAT AND CRAP
SO I SAID:

"MY STUFF IS NOT MY LOVE
I CAN LEAVE IT HERE BUT
PLEASE PLEASE
TAKE ME WITH YOU"  

DEVASTATED AT YOUR
HASTE TO RETRACE
OUR INTENDED DIRECTION
BUT I HAD YOUR ATTENTION
AT LEAST SO
I DROPPED DOWN
TO MY KNEES TO PLEAD
AND PRAYED AS I PLAYED
THE SAME GAME I HAD SEEN
WHAT I BELIEVED YOU TO BE
EXACTLY WHAT I NEED
BUT IT WASN'T ME
I WAS A GIRL IN DESIGNER
JEANS SO DOWN ON HER LUCK
LOOKING UP TO SEE THAT YOU
HAD BITTEN OFF MORE THAN
YOU COULD CHEW
EVEN THOUGH YOU KNEW
I WAS EXTREME
AND WOULD DO ANYTHING
IF YOU LET ME LOVE YOU

SO I DECLINED TO ADJUST
TO YOUR LOOK OF DISGUST
TWISTED LOVE AROUND LUST
NOT GIVING A FUCK
SO PRAYED AS I PLAYED
ON YOUR
FREUDIAN SLIP
UNDOING YOUR ZIP
I REVERSED YOUR
JUDGEMENT
OF WHORE
UNTO YOU
COERCED YOUR COCK
WITHOUT ADO
INTO MY MOUTH WHERE
THERE WAS NO DOUBT
THAT I'D WIN
YOUR SUBMISSION
 
A COLLISION OF CONFLICTING
INTERESTS AND INTUITION ASIDE
I PERSUADE YOU TO STAY
AND DO IT MY WAY
LET ME RIDE IN YOUR LIFE
SIDE BY SIDE  
AND THERE
IN THAT MOMENT
I BLOW
MY CHANCE TO LET GO

WITH A LAST UPWARD GLANCE
AT YOU IN MY OLD BEDROOM
YOU FEELING DOOM
AND GLOOM COLLIDE
SOON WILL CUM A TIME
WHEN YOU
REALISE
THAT
IT
WAS I
WHO
SWALLOWED
YOUR
PRIDE.  

SOPOETIC
Written by SOPOETIC
Published
Author's Note
True story. 3 years into a long-distance relationship and double figured hotel retreats later. I quit my legal secretarial work in MANCHESTER UK to up sticks and relocate to ESSEX (LONDON) with my...
True story. 3 years into a long-distance relationship and double figured hotel retreats later. I quit my legal secretarial work in MANCHESTER UK to up sticks and relocate to ESSEX (LONDON) with my first love. I still lived at home with my Nana and he had just sealed a mortgage deal on a penthouse (old RAF barracks) apartment in Hornchurch, Essex. Long story short I was collateral damage or him leaving his wife and using me as bait to be blamed. I didnt know he was married and I ended it when I found out. He rang me up the next day said he had ended it so 6 months later here we were... we lasted 3 months until he drove me back up north, heartbroken and having a mental breakdown (early schizophrenia) . He moved a new girl in immediately that he had been really seeing the whole time.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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arortiz73
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