deepundergroundpoetry.com

If Only

If Only

Of all my wishes that never came true,
The most painful is that I’ll never be loved by you,
Though when I look in the mirror
I am the splitting image and living proof,
A seed planted by you,
But at this point, what more can I do?
Do I need to beg you?
Maybe cry a little more?
Or wait another 30 years,
Maybe then we can open the door
When I’m old and gray,
When I’m beat down even more.
If I had one wish, I’d be that you were there,
That you weren’t so selfish,
That I didn’t feel such despair,
I wish I knew my sisters
And that this life I’m living wasn’t so unfair.
I wish I could reach out for help,
And that it didn’t all fall to my mother,
As sad as this is to admit:
I really wish we knew each other.
I wish not to feel such hate whenever I think of you,
And I wish that the sadness didn’t come next,
Wish I had thicker skin or could detach altogether,
As to not have to deal with this.
And I keep on wishing,
Though by now it’s apparent & clear...
You have no interest in even trying to be a parent...
No interest in being here.
I wish away my thirst for revenge,
Thoughts of hurting you the way I’ve been hurting,
Though I know it’s best to forgive, that’s not so simple,
Especially when you’re not the one living this.
Just to be able to call you for a shoulder,
To have you for an ear,
To one day be able to love properly,
Without the underlying fear.
How I wish not to associate men with pain,
To not secretly resent,
To be able to escape my mind...
And to be present.
I wish you’d have been there so that I could have felt safe & loved...
I wish I had heart enough to dust myself off and move on.
Written by Oslynray (Rosalyn)
Published
Author's Note
Sorting through some things...
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 1 reading list entries 1
comments 4 reads 553
Commenting Preference: 
The author encourages honest critique.

Latest Forum Discussions
SPEAKEASY
Yesterday 11:20pm by Ahavati
SPEAKEASY
Yesterday 11:19pm by Ahavati
POETRY
Yesterday 11:05pm by Grace
COMPETITIONS
Yesterday 9:37pm by Kinkwizard_95
SPEAKEASY
Yesterday 6:23pm by Liziantus-Marantus
COMPETITIONS
Yesterday 5:25pm by ajay