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Listen.

We have both said hateful things
Some of which I regret
I blame you for the things
I couldn't control or forget  
 
I know you tried your best
With a difficult husband to manage
I love him to death
He's the pinnacle of my advantage  
 
But I love you too
You taught me how to love myself
So understand how devastating it is
To hear hate when I come for help  
 
Even if I was messed up
Hormonal  
Emotional as you say
You should have stuck it out
It's hard to care for someone that way  
 
But I've not had an easy life
Look to that day in your dismay
That you couldn't remember docs words
And I was told I'd die if I didnt obey  
 
Terrified of death  
I live with it now
Constantly reminded of how
I'd die to this somehow  
 
I would have left
When I was just a teen
If I hadn't this death
Following me  
 
So I stuck it out like...  
When pop got drunk
When you were at the gym
And didn't step up  
 
You told me not to let him go to the drive through  
And I listened to you
Defended you
And took his verbal abuse  
 
I was in the middle
Of him and you
You don't remember this...
But I do  
 
I don't blame you
I really don't
I forgive all the times you didn't speak up  
 
I understand survival
What you did to have to live
And if you just opened up
You'd see how you and I equally give  
 
But you hurt me again
You turned my past into stamps
I've  overcome death
In every circumstance  
 
I told you my past
My current woes
You said you were friend
And then turned foe  
 
It is things like this
That I hold on to
And I regret being that weak
So I have this to say to you  
 
I'm sorry the roads been tough
That those you love disappointed you
That you feel inadequate
And that I do not love you  
 
Your mother was an ass
She manipulated you
Used your love against your will
Obligated you felt, too  
 
And you tried to be different
I know that you did
I love the strength you had
To do what you did  
 
You cut her out
When it was too much
I don't know why
But history is repeating its touch  
 
And I won't allow it
I love you mom
I hate you because I hate this weakness I mourn
I hate you cause you say hurtful things
But never say sorry no matter what peace it brings  
 
But you taught me other things
Like how to smell a rat
How to identify a player
Not fall for their clichéd trap  
 
I was strong in the beginning
Held myself in high esteem
I didn't sleep around
I didn't think I needed those things  
 
In the end I held up high
Cause you taught me  
I don't need a guy
Tough enough to fill my dreams  
 
I know when to use my tongue
Or use silence as proof
Like now...
Mom
I do not love pop more than I love you...  
I just want you to approve  
 
Listen to me and trust what I say
As you want me to treat you this way  
 
We're well past apologies  
It's time for a new start
Not to talk of the past
But try to know each others heart  
 
But as I accept your shortcomings
It must be accepted that I have done things
I love you too much to ever hold onto anything
And I would hope that you would show the same mercy  
 
What were missing is trust and it's something to build on
If we forget what ensued, is there a future to look upon?
Written by jenny_is_hungry
Published
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