Fixing Me

I am self destructive, an attention whore, a terrible person all around, and I feel more guilty than ever. I have gone and ruined the most important person I put into my life. I ruined my marriage, and my father would be more than disappointed in me. I only wish it wouldn't have taken this long for me to truely comprehend that. I deserve every terrible thing that is to come my way from all the self destruction. I, like many people, wait until things are finally exactly how I wanted then and then subconscious I think it's too good. Then I manage to find whatever temptation will ruin everything so perfectly that I can never have it again, a fallow this temptation untill it no longer suits my fit and then find another. But sometimes I find something genuine and the cycle repeats. I want to stop. Maybe now I can fix myself though, now that I realize what I am doing. Only time will tell I suppose. I don't think I know how to let myself be happy.