deepundergroundpoetry.com
My Torture and Redemption
- My Torture and Redemption -
When I was still but a child, though nearing my thirteenth year,
I was taken by those in secret power, who sought to so reshape...
My mind, to suit their own vision of what mankind should fear.
They tried to break my will, and of my knowledge then partake!
But I could not be broken, my mind was closed to their tortures.
They never learned my secrets, knew not of my hidden wings...
And their every celebration, came to them as a thing premature.
I knew no happiness during that year, only pain that ever stings!
Failing to break me, they tried to make of me a kind of weapon.
Training me in various forms of combat, seeking to bring about,
A desire in me to slay, to destroy, to serve cruel masters thereon.
And learn I did all they could teach, as I filled with tears, doubt,
Pain in abundance too, mastering countless terrible disciplines...
So that it felt as if all hopes were crushed but not ever my spirit.
Strong I grew, though in life's darkness it seemed light was dim,
Until, I rose as high in my training as I may, as they did fear it...
The thing I was becoming under their dictation, a thing so dark!
That my wings became shadowy, enough to blot out all the stars.
They should have listened, and to a better conscience thus hark...
Before they caused me to be marked by blood and fire and scars.
They knew not how the darkness offers solace to one hurting so!
How light can change when in shadow wrapped for a long time...
But there came a day, when they had to let me free of their woes.
And I went forth in anger and wrath, seeking a paradise sublime!
For years afterward there was a fire in me that nothing quenched.
I longed for vengeance against humans for taking my innocence,
And in that fire, my soul became by dark powers hotly drenched!
I often ventured into wild places, crying in secret a horrid lament,
Believing no one could love me, that the child in me was killed...
That I was angelic no longer, for I had seen in men a hellish evil.
But then one day, at a place of learning something else so willed,
That I should meet someone who caused my torment to be stilled.
A little girl, the age I was when I was taken by those awful men...
She, brought out in me my inner child, and a desire to protect her.
So that, all mankind I no longer desired to torment and condemn!
She, reminded me of who I still was, so that in the span of a blur,
I knew a kind of inner joy, though never again was I to be naive...
Even so, she showed me, that not all the light in the world ended.
To this day, a part of me thinks of her and is loathe to just leave...
In the past, the time in which she was there, as my heart mended.
Though gone is that angel, upon her own life's path, so far away,
The light she restored in me has grown stronger as years pass by.
But still in me a fire burns, and I think of the distant future day...
When those who rob children of their hope may in flames yet lie!
And be brought to torment, by the powers that in Hell hold sway.
When I was still but a child, though nearing my thirteenth year,
I was taken by those in secret power, who sought to so reshape...
My mind, to suit their own vision of what mankind should fear.
They tried to break my will, and of my knowledge then partake!
But I could not be broken, my mind was closed to their tortures.
They never learned my secrets, knew not of my hidden wings...
And their every celebration, came to them as a thing premature.
I knew no happiness during that year, only pain that ever stings!
Failing to break me, they tried to make of me a kind of weapon.
Training me in various forms of combat, seeking to bring about,
A desire in me to slay, to destroy, to serve cruel masters thereon.
And learn I did all they could teach, as I filled with tears, doubt,
Pain in abundance too, mastering countless terrible disciplines...
So that it felt as if all hopes were crushed but not ever my spirit.
Strong I grew, though in life's darkness it seemed light was dim,
Until, I rose as high in my training as I may, as they did fear it...
The thing I was becoming under their dictation, a thing so dark!
That my wings became shadowy, enough to blot out all the stars.
They should have listened, and to a better conscience thus hark...
Before they caused me to be marked by blood and fire and scars.
They knew not how the darkness offers solace to one hurting so!
How light can change when in shadow wrapped for a long time...
But there came a day, when they had to let me free of their woes.
And I went forth in anger and wrath, seeking a paradise sublime!
For years afterward there was a fire in me that nothing quenched.
I longed for vengeance against humans for taking my innocence,
And in that fire, my soul became by dark powers hotly drenched!
I often ventured into wild places, crying in secret a horrid lament,
Believing no one could love me, that the child in me was killed...
That I was angelic no longer, for I had seen in men a hellish evil.
But then one day, at a place of learning something else so willed,
That I should meet someone who caused my torment to be stilled.
A little girl, the age I was when I was taken by those awful men...
She, brought out in me my inner child, and a desire to protect her.
So that, all mankind I no longer desired to torment and condemn!
She, reminded me of who I still was, so that in the span of a blur,
I knew a kind of inner joy, though never again was I to be naive...
Even so, she showed me, that not all the light in the world ended.
To this day, a part of me thinks of her and is loathe to just leave...
In the past, the time in which she was there, as my heart mended.
Though gone is that angel, upon her own life's path, so far away,
The light she restored in me has grown stronger as years pass by.
But still in me a fire burns, and I think of the distant future day...
When those who rob children of their hope may in flames yet lie!
And be brought to torment, by the powers that in Hell hold sway.
Published 10th Mar 2021
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10th Mar 2021 11:32pm
As usual your story-telling talent shows. I can almost see the gossamer wings and the cherubic face of the tortured child. Enjoyable write, Kara🌹
14th Mar 2021 6:15am
I am glad you enjoyed reading it, Grace! The best inspirations come from real life, and in this tragic case... it was a horrible event from my own childhood that had inspired me to write this... and, the child's face was actually my own as it looked when I was twelve years old. The wings I wrote of were the very same wings of light which people often sense about me unto this very day. There are some unfathomably evil individuals out there in this world, and the truly worst of them enjoy attempting to corrupt or enslave the minds of the very young. Doubly so, when they sense in them a great potential be it psychic, occult-based, or sometimes just a strong mind. They never were able to fully break me... my will is so strong, in fact, that I cannot even be hypnotized at all. But they did torture me, forcing me to learn terrible things, and what they did... and what they taught me... all left its' mark. So the intense pain in this poem was real, as was the anger I put into writing at the end of it. On a brighter note, however... the girl I wrote of whom I met at the "place of learning", though she came into my life much later on and could not remain a part of my life for long... she reached the innermost part of me that I had long believed those evil ones had buried deep. And through her uncommon kindness, I found the strength to find myself anew when I was at my most lost. I found hope once more, and the innocence I had believed was stolen from me. Such events in life... no matter how many years can pass... the memory of them seems fresh when one thinks about them. Life is, at times, like an anvil... and we cannot always know the final shape into which we shall be forged. For many, it is an ongoing process.
14th Mar 2021 8:07pm
