bitter herbs

  
an old dirt-shadowed face lives in my mind
stuffing her mouth with medicine  
   
and a young girl beating her belly with rocks  
running laps until she falls down breathless  
   
i see legs akimbo and a ladle thrust inside  
i smell the sweat of fever-drugged fear  
   
retching fills the cavern of my memory    
and screaming too- and blood- and death  
   
as i pinch a white pill and shove with my thumb  
as close to my cervix as i am able    
 
-  
   
i press the call button until they come    
bearing one small signed-off codeine    
   
which i crunch between my teeth    
and all of a sudden, i am the old woman  
   
chewing wild carrot seeds and praying