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Let The Nicotine Fly Higher Than The Birds Over Superior Lake. (the gig was up. I should have set sail at dawn.)

Gloomy midwestern mornings.   † † †  
I'm sure some ass-hole wrote about its beauty. † † † † † †  
I'm sure i'm guilty of it. Anyways... † † † † †
†† † † † † †  
I had bought a bag of rolling tobacco a week back. † † † † † †  
I quit smoking 8, 9 years ago. † † † † † †  
When I was with an ex-girl, I had picked up rolling my own, † † † † † †  
for...financial reasons I explained. † † † † † †  
What I didn't tell her in that Duluth? hotel † † † † † †  
was that I started rolling as an excuse to get away from her. † † † † † †  
She hated the smell more than a regular cigarette somehow. † † † † † †  
and I was upping myself by buying a corn cob pipe... † † † † † †  
But still, † † † † † †  
30 sweet minutes of just, not her. † † † †
I would sneak swigs from my flask in the meanwhile. † † † † † † †
It didnt matter what time of the day yet. † † † † † †  
It was necessary for my head for later, † † † † † †  
when I would inevitably feel trapped. † † † † † †  
Back then I was still on whiskey. Kentucky of course. † † † † † †  
*sip sip* † † † † † †  
This was probably the last time I remember it maybe working out. † † † † † †  
She had talked about moving away from the town i've despised since I was a teenager. † † † † † †  
About independence from her Father. † † † † † †  
I remember this one thing so vividly because my mind raced with excitement. † † † † † †  
Maybe there was something more to her after all. † † † † † †  
But then she let the secret slip † † † † † †  
that her parents were talking about moving there as well... † † †  
I think that's when I realized, † † † † † †  
that none of these decisions were mine. † † † † † †  
That I was just being dragged along. † † † † † †  
For this sick † † † † † † †
sad † † † † † † †
fucking † † † † † † †
ride. † † † † † †  
*GLUG* † † † † † †  
† † † † † † †
This memory made me smile out of guilty mischief. † † † † † †  
It reminded me that I was right about a lot of things. † † † † † †  
Most things. † † † † † †  
And that most of my failures lie in my lack of action. † † † † † †  
My silence. † † † † † †  
Or....my success in misguided wandering.... † † † † † †  
† † † † † † †
I took a deep sigh as I pinched the tobacco back out from the paper † † † † † †  
and rerolled this cigarette for an 8th time, † † † † † † †
leaned back in my chair, † † † † † †
twirled it through my fingers, † † † † † †  
and started over again. † † † † † †  
Because... † † † † † †  
remember? † † † † † †  
I quit smoking 8, 9 years ago.
Harold-Weathervein
Written by Harold-Weathervein (Levi Braathen)
Published | Edited 6th Apr 2021
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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