A Poem You'll Never Read

 
Ah... You... Beautiful in your tragedy
Ever so righteous in your anger and pain
No one quite reaching your expectations
Once you woed me with teenage clumsiness
Words only two lonely people could give
You spoke with hate laced love and I echoed
That twisted around us; those vipers of smoke
Strong as steel chains holding us together
Empty promises of us ending it finally
Breaking and mending our cycle of toxic behavior
You loved the endless supply of love I provided
And I loved how you never truly left me
The snake coiled deep in my chest around my heart
You were as beautiful as any knife in my collection
There was always this familiarity to you
A living imitation of the love that I once
Chased after from my family; begging for it
Begging you to love me as I threw my life at your feet
My loyalty could have built castles or even a home
But my arms were nothing but strings of words
Our bodies never experienced in reality
A love story that never happened
I have nothing to remember you by
Except the corpses of my dreams
That you maintained over our life
It took me landing in the hospital... Near death
Close enough to death that I could reach out
And just barely miss touching their long robes
For me to realize you stopped loving me long ago
That the only reason we still spoke to each other
Was that we kept trying to resurrect the person we loved
Someone who would love you even at your worst
My gods, the things that I put up with
Just to keep you in this short life I've lived
How much of my self hatred did you feed? Create?
What kind of person would I have been...
If I had just said enough... so many years ago
Instead of playing this game of chicken with you
The sheer amount of damage we have done to each other
Trying to make the other hate us more than we loved
Well, you won in that I finally left you
Finally you had what you wanted from me
Knowing that even with me sick and near death
You could not manage to care about me
So much of my life I have held back on
Because of the thought in the back of my mind
That if I loved you enough you would realize it
My love for you truly was as endless as it could be
But a large part of me died in that hospital
The person who loved you doesn't live in this body anymore
You won the game... But I still don't hate you
I feel absolutely nothing for you anymore.
Your apathy finally fueled my own.