a note regarding a recently hidden poem
I removed my DV poem recently. Two people commented and what really got me was the victim shaming of the first commentor.
Firstly because the poem may not have been about me, and if it was, who is to say that it's not a poem about something that happened in the past, and I'm simply writing about it now.
Secondly, because DV relationships are so nuanced that it can be hard for so many reasons, for victims to leave.
For a lot of people with nowhere to go, the choice between staying and homelessness is a huge factor. They may not have any friends and family in the area. Support services are overrun and there's a good chance there wasn't any beds available in any shelters they may have called. Finances also tie into this. If there partner is controlling their finances, they have no money to leave. If they're poor, the same issue. I can take a long time to squirrel money away to leave.
Fear, mental health, social isolation, lack of resources and opportunities, not having a car, or an easy way to leave, etc... They're all reasons why people stay in shitty relationships.
Nobody wants to enable their abusive partners behaviour. They just want to survive. They don't need the judgement of random people on the internet calling them out over things they aren't themselves experiencing.
I've been on DU for a long time, and it has always been a safe place to express myself. Because of the recent careless comments of people reading and commenting I don't feel as safe as I once did to say what I want to say.
When someone is in a vulnerable place, comments like that are unhelpful, even if the person themselves is trying to help.
I guess what I want to say, is don't be an asshole, and think that tough love comments are doing the writer any favours. They're not.
Treat people how you'd want to be treated.
A little bit of kindness and compassion goes a long way.