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I Been Gone 45000 Nights

A form of living devotion. Also, I    
thought I seen you like you was    
about to die.    
     
That's the reason I felt      
     
but of course I knew,      
     
no doubt, it'll all end in "tears."      
     
Speaking then from a place of      
somewhat dissolution,      
     
rather complete dissolution,      
rather total    
     
Speaking now – I'd say I've only      
been here, or began to get      
here... Oh, … about a month.      
Before that i wasn't, quite.    
     
Which gives you an easy way      
out, and absolves you of all your      
sins, yeah? It renders you      
innocent? Questions the judge.      
Questioned the Judge. Don't hurt      
his feelings. Don't disturb his...    
sensibilities. Don't be brash.      
Heh. Heh. Heh    
     
Yeah. I seen Him a mile away. I      
seen you a mile away.    
     
But so. Even as if I don't give a      
fuck, I'll take a deep breath and      
pretend I understand well      
enough how to communicate.      
And I'll speak - because    
     
I thought I seen you going like      
about to die.      
     
And I'll speak knowing full well I      
understood to communicate      
only well enough to fail      
perpetually at it. Step one. Black      
out, decide failure, run. (Or      
skitter, more like.) Gone in the      
sureness of having already      
crashed the plane before leaving      
the runway. There is no step      
two.      
     
Just continual, preemptive      
unscheduled demolition.    
     
(IRL, one went through one's      
day, all eyes are on you, don't      
know what to do, posture,      
posture, posture…quick, nothing      
else is available, quick, stand on      
one foot like a crane. Suck      
awareness down to a single      
point. Breathe. Just listen.      
Breathe...Do that. I'd like to see      
you. No don't, it looks      
ridiculous.)    
     
Boy, did you see how thin and      
flat my sense of self was? Eh?      
The judge don't care. The judge      
don't care about nothin." Them      
judges be gettin' in a dark place.      
Them judges be in pain    
     
Like i said, I thought I seen      
you goin' like you was about to die.      
     
That's the reason I felt to speak,      
     
'cause    
     
A person might be dying, but      
they oughtn't have to go      
out already dead inside.    
     
My communication most like will      
fail tomorrow, but he can hold      
me in contempt then. I didn't      
care. I'm'a speak now    
     
That's what I decided–    
     
I'll see if it helps.
Em-ily
Written by Em-ily (purposesofidentification)
Published
Author's Note
Bitter nightshade has its uses in devotion too. Bit into it. But it wasn't necessary.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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