I Been Gone 45000 Nights
A form of living devotion. Also, I
thought I seen you like you was
about to die.
That's the reason I felt
but of course I knew,
no doubt, it'll all end in "tears."
Speaking then from a place of
rather complete dissolution,
Speaking now – I'd say I've only
been here, or began to get
here... Oh, … about a month.
Before that i wasn't, quite.
Which gives you an easy way
out, and absolves you of all your
sins, yeah? It renders you
innocent? Questions the judge.
Questioned the Judge. Don't hurt
his feelings. Don't disturb his...
sensibilities. Don't be brash.
Heh. Heh. Heh
Yeah. I seen Him a mile away. I
seen you a mile away.
But so. Even as if I don't give a
fuck, I'll take a deep breath and
pretend I understand well
enough how to communicate.
And I'll speak - because
I thought I seen you going like
about to die.
And I'll speak knowing full well I
understood to communicate
only well enough to fail
perpetually at it. Step one. Black
out, decide failure, run. (Or
skitter, more like.) Gone in the
sureness of having already
crashed the plane before leaving
the runway. There is no step
Just continual, preemptive
(IRL, one went through one's
day, all eyes are on you, don't
know what to do, posture,
posture, posture…quick, nothing
else is available, quick, stand on
one foot like a crane. Suck
awareness down to a single
point. Breathe. Just listen.
Breathe...Do that. I'd like to see
you. No don't, it looks
Boy, did you see how thin and
flat my sense of self was? Eh?
The judge don't care. The judge
don't care about nothin." Them
judges be gettin' in a dark place.
Them judges be in pain
Like i said, I thought I seen
you goin' like you was about to die.
That's the reason I felt to speak,
A person might be dying, but
they oughtn't have to go
out already dead inside.
My communication most like will
fail tomorrow, but he can hold
me in contempt then. I didn't
care. I'm'a speak now
That's what I decided–
I'll see if it helps.