Abstract Timelines and an Alternative Universe

I've been struggling to write down all that has happened
Normally I enjoy writing down timelines
To just keep my memory of events clear
My brain sometimes breaks under the negative emotions experienced
Not necessarily rewriting the memory
Just making the whole thing more intense
It's... Like paint a clear shinny slip on a matte ceramic
But trying to prevent that crystalization
I feel like I keep hitting a block, Something stops me
I don't know how to write about almost dying
Not sure how to phrase it all in a factual way
When pain has made the last month of events
These abstract haze of series of things happening to me
I didn't choose any of this honestly
I didn't choose to go to the er or the doctors
All of this just feels like it's someone else's life
As if I've stepped into an alternate universe
It's like... This is my life but it isn't at the same time
I read older journal entries and it feels so foreign
Almost like I'm reading someone else's words
Just struggling with disassociation so much
Am I even the same person? Am I even me...