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Little Sick Girl Lessons 2
When I was little I didn't act like other girls my age
I couldn't sit still for long periods of time
I was terribly shy around people I didn't know
Only able to really carry on conversations
About these very specific topics that I knew too much about
Always changing the course of the conversation over and over
I wasn't "right" by the definition of girl
That adults kept holding me to
I was into fishing and camping much more than my brother
I loved carving things up into little figures
But that wasn't what little girls were supposed to like
One of my favorite memories was burning Brownies with my grandma
And she never made me feel less than for being different
My adopted mom however... Couldn't stand it
She forced me into skirts, lectured me on playing with my brothers toys
Even liking the color blue was wrong in her eyes
She took me to this doctor and told her to give me something
She ran all these tests on me,over and over
I would be taken out of school and tested
They diagnosed me with so many different things
All before I was even 12 or had even started puberty
I remember the first time I was prescribed medication
They were long and green and they made me so tired
On those meds I had to get my blood tested every month
Just to make sure I wasn't responding negatively
I still remember the first time, all the details
Sitting in a chair where my feet couldn't touch the floor
The nurse grabbing my arm and turning it
Asking me all these questions such as
"What was my favorite subject, color, food.
If I had any siblings, crushes on boys" etc
She told me it would only be a little pinch
And that if I didn't cry she would give me a sucker
I don't think I understood what was happening
Because I watched the needle go in
And felt nothing but being numb
"You have such good veins" she said as she removed the needle
I remember the cotton ball and the tie she used
It was too tight and I removed it too quickly
I bled and was bruised so much from it all
"Don't cry and you'll get a sucker"
Still rings in my ears whenever a nurse comes to take my blood
I couldn't sit still for long periods of time
I was terribly shy around people I didn't know
Only able to really carry on conversations
About these very specific topics that I knew too much about
Always changing the course of the conversation over and over
I wasn't "right" by the definition of girl
That adults kept holding me to
I was into fishing and camping much more than my brother
I loved carving things up into little figures
But that wasn't what little girls were supposed to like
One of my favorite memories was burning Brownies with my grandma
And she never made me feel less than for being different
My adopted mom however... Couldn't stand it
She forced me into skirts, lectured me on playing with my brothers toys
Even liking the color blue was wrong in her eyes
She took me to this doctor and told her to give me something
She ran all these tests on me,over and over
I would be taken out of school and tested
They diagnosed me with so many different things
All before I was even 12 or had even started puberty
I remember the first time I was prescribed medication
They were long and green and they made me so tired
On those meds I had to get my blood tested every month
Just to make sure I wasn't responding negatively
I still remember the first time, all the details
Sitting in a chair where my feet couldn't touch the floor
The nurse grabbing my arm and turning it
Asking me all these questions such as
"What was my favorite subject, color, food.
If I had any siblings, crushes on boys" etc
She told me it would only be a little pinch
And that if I didn't cry she would give me a sucker
I don't think I understood what was happening
Because I watched the needle go in
And felt nothing but being numb
"You have such good veins" she said as she removed the needle
I remember the cotton ball and the tie she used
It was too tight and I removed it too quickly
I bled and was bruised so much from it all
"Don't cry and you'll get a sucker"
Still rings in my ears whenever a nurse comes to take my blood
Published 9th Feb 2021
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9th Feb 2021 2:20am
An amazing story, thanks for being courageous in sharing it. Hugs and peace, oral
9th Feb 2021 4:09am
When you are young adults choose how you dress, now you get older you get to choose what you want to wear. Keep on writing.
Yeah, I got 3 jelly beans once for not crying from travel vaccinations but my voice started to crumble by the 3rd one, so the bitch (I mean nurse) only gave me 2 beans I think. I don't know but it's how I remember it. Being a nurse is a hard job though & I expect they were tired when it came to you, unfortunately. It's a sad read & you have not grown a thicker skin as a result or way of coping. It has just made you more angry & upset. These recollections of events catch up with us when we are at a low ebb.
16th Feb 2021 3:18am
Old ways of thinking and conforming to old gender roles prevents so much freedoms of expressions it affects us into adulthood.
Your piece is a reminder of that, the trauma or rather shaming some adults unleash on a young mind is a weight on the psyche.
Great verse blue.
Your piece is a reminder of that, the trauma or rather shaming some adults unleash on a young mind is a weight on the psyche.
Great verse blue.
