Protective lies

Just gotta lie, bite down the truth
Bury it behind my ribs from all of you
I hide this pain the best that I can
Gripping walls when the room spins
Gasping for breath inside the bathroom
Head between my knees praying for it to stop
Hiding the hurt that lives in my chest
I can't tell you that it's getting worse
How I'm hoping that I die soon
That this isn't the life that I can fight for
Doctors, nurses, technicians, hospitals, waiting rooms
That's not how I want my memory to be
Let the memory of me be sweet
Hard to sit and listen to these doctors
To have nurses, technicians see my scars
I am so lost in all of the lies I've telling
I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm healing
There's nothing wrong with my lungs and heart
There's nothing wrong with my vision
Don't worry please, I'll survive this you'll see
But I can't help but keep lying to everyone
My radical honesty has faded to protecting you
I can't keep living making the ones I love worry
So it's nothing, I'm fine, my heart isn't struggling
My lungs can breathe just fine in this chest of mine