Chapter 7 part 4  A Submissive Female of New York City

Chapter 7 part 4
 A Submissive Female of New York City

"I messed up, Keith," she sobbed. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I love you so much. I've always loved you. Always, always, always. I would rather die than lose you." She crawled to his feet and kissed them, tears soaking into his socks.

"I should have known better. Once a whore, always a whore."

Sue looked up in surprise. What she saw took her aback.

This man was not her Keith, not the man she had loved. There was cold and trembling fury on this man's face, a fury carved in stone, merciless, unyielding. His eyes were blazing, his lips curled into a snarl.

"Your dad warned me about you. He said you were a whore. I should have known it would come to this."

That word again. Whore. She had been thrilled with Phil called her that, it made her feel naughty and alive. But Keith made the word sound different, contemptible and despised.

"My dad warned you? What the—"

"Back in college, your dad called my dad. They asked me to keep an eye on you—"

"What do you mean, keep an eye on me—"

"He knew you were trouble. I could see what you were, spreading your legs for anyone, even blacks—"

"What did you say?" she screeched.

Why am I on my knees for this man?

Rising to her feet, she jabbed her finger into her husband's face. "What the fuck are you saying?"

"I thought I could save you!" Keith hissed back. "I believed so much that it was my duty to save you!"

"You—you were following me that night? Stalking me?"

"It wasn't that guy's fault what happened. You led him on. Dressing like a slut, sleeping around like a whore! What did you think that would happen? I rescued you from that life—"

Sue felt the rage rise in her, a dangerous rage, a volatile rage. She thought of the pain and brutality, of the rocks, of the torments, of the contempt.

"You. Fucking. Bastard."

"I'm the bastard? You just whored yourself out to another guy—"

"What I did with Phil was wrong. But what you did was ten times worse."

"What did I ever—"

"You don't love me. You never have."

"I've taken care of you, sheltered you—"

"You took me away from who I was. What I wanted. Who I wanted to be. You tried to make me into someone you wanted."

"I saved you from whoredom—"

"I've been with you for almost twenty years and you never saw me as a person, an adult, free to make her own choices—"

"I made you a respectable person—"

"You kept me a prisoner!" Sue snarled. "I did what you wanted. I lived by your values. You made me into someone I'm not!"

"This is who you are! Who you should be!"

"And I'm telling you I'm through. I'm done being your own perfect prudish fantasy good wife. You don't own me."

"Oh really? What's that written on your butt then?"

"Something I chose to put there. Something put there as part of a game, by someone who really cares about me." Tears were in Sue's eyes now, whether tears of sadness or anger or pain she did not know.

"You'd rather whore yourself to that man and his filth than be with me?" shot back Keith. "How dare you, after all I've done for you—"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Sue roared, her face mottled with anger, her eyes blazing like hot fire. Keith took a step back, eyes apprehensive.

"I'm warning you, I'll call the police on you and that bastard—"

"Go for it," Sue said contemptuously. "You'll just get fined for misusing 911."

She stared grimly at Keith, eyes like ice, naked and haughty. He stared back, and long did their eyes lock onto each other, a silent battle of wills that would brook no mediation, take no ambiguity, that would not cease until one will found mastery.

Finally, Keith broke the stare and turned away.

2001 it was. Fall.

The world's changed, Phil wrote. I can't believe I was just with you in New York a few months ago. And now the Towers are gone, just like that.

He had been terrified for Sue's safety that terrible morning, almost crazed with worry until Sue's email arrived, reassuring him she was unharmed. But the clouds of war were on the horizon. Phil was troubled at the anger and hatred he saw festering in once-welcoming internet forums. Hard looks were sometimes cast at his brown face.

Will you still be on in 15 minutes? Sue asked.

Of course I am. All by myself here.

Where else would he be if not at his computer? He valued his friendship with Sue a great deal, but he was still, in the end of the game, alone. Outside his workplace, he had almost no human interaction.

The ghetto Phil lived in had no real walls and no true dimensions. The walls were the habits of neurosis and the dimensions were an illusion. But the ghetto existed all the same. Phil did not know how to leave it.

He had tried going to various Silicon Valley social events, but he had only a vague idea how to turn that into deeper friendships. And there were few women there — the Bay Area was rated as one of the worst places in the country to be a single male.

But he had the memory of his time with Sue. He wondered how she was doing, whether she'd reconciled with her husband. Sometimes she was online quite a lot, even let him call her and have hair-raising phone sex other times she'd disappear for weeks at a time, and when he emailed said only she was really busy, though with what he did not know.

There came a knock at the door. Who that could be? Phil had no friends who might drop in, and he didn't remember ordering anything.

His jaw dropped when he saw who was there.

Sue looked happier than he'd ever seen her, happier than at the peaks of ecstasy. There was freedom in her face, her wide lips bursting into a glorious smile, her eyes alight with love and joy.

"I wanted to surprise you, Phil," she began, her voice cracking.

She was in underwear, that same underwear she'd worn on the street that last day in New York. Once again a pink dog collar and leash be stoned on her neck; the same sideways H-shaped chain linked her arms and legs.

Phil did not even stop to think; his arms were around her, and hers were around him, and their lips were locked onto each other, and his tears were mixing with hers, both of them were shaking like leaves—

"I love you, Phil. I know that now."

He could not get words out of his mouth, so great was the surge of passion running through his chest. He waited for the usual qualifier, but instead, she added, "And—and I'm here. For you. For as long as you want me."

Sue looked up at him, caressing his face, and offered him the leash.

A kaleidoscope of emotions went through Phil. "Does this mean that you—"

"I'll explain later, Phil. But right now, just do what your heart tells you."

Phil felt the strength returning to him, felt himself almost seem to stand taller. Perhaps for the first time in his life, he felt fully as a man.

He took the leash in his hand, smiling slightly, and firmly led his slave into the apartment.

THE END AND THE BEGAINGNG