of my confusion

After a long time, I felt like I      
could be laughing again, and so,      
almost thinking outloud, I said,      
"silent joy."    
     
There is nothing the matter. I      
would be your friend, if I thought      
I could. But back then I    
     
Oops, and after the suicidal      
thoughts passed I became    
     
someone who would dream of      
love, while in my confusion, it      
felt like you would know      
perfectly      
     
I think you were   
     
The purest, most kind person I      
knew, and in dreaming about a  
new beginning, becoming a  
person, and of the language of  
friendship and love
     
Myself was so slow. I just hid all      
the time and stayed constantly  
away from me.