the meaning of your hand upon me

even if only in my mind    
i imagine being held  
softly    
firmly    
absent mindedly    
with mischievous intent    
idle curiosity    
then firmly    
again    
    
a stroke is not just a stroke    
it is a premeditated experience    
an exercise of control    
an exhaled gift    
the imparting of a wave of will    
   
to give without the sense of cause    
a rush    
sending molecules scampering    
the sparkle of oxygen flirting and fondling its friends    
lights twinkling in eyes    
   
all from your hand upon it    
even just the tips of ideas upon it    
fingers, reminding me of days and days    
perhaps even months upon months    
burn diligently    
and methodically    
as you hold the mirror to my breath    
to show me the purity of desperation you created within me    
how you've learned the art of oak and time    
and gripped and squeezed the tenderness you cured me in    
till you hear me howl    
and taste only the ‘nevers’ being offered as relief    
instead, you force feed me only ‘now’    
over and over again    
the ‘now’ like a poolish    
an arousal that you never ever allow to see its end    
   
you would feel all that    
as i do    
in just your mind’s touch    
i want so your mind’s hand upon me    
to offer pity    
both false and true    
and radiate your resolve    
that close is as close as ill ever get to seeing it end