I wear my grief around my body like death herself,
As if she has nestled herself into my rib cage.
Grief and I bargain with each other at night,
In hopes that for awhile I might receive some peace,
But peace never comes, she is nowhere to be found.
Peace is a fever dream wrapped up in a pill coated lie that I will never get,
And I am so angry at the world, I am angry at anyone who dares to listen.
My anger could leave the whole wide world scorched into flames without hesitation.
She lives inside my chest like an unwanted guest unwelcome by all and takes all.
I hold my lungs in the palms of my hands hoping one day I won't feel this way,
That I will be able to breathe again without this pain called mourning.
I bargain each day with depression, as if I owe him something for keeping me alive.
He smiles his crooked smile and laughs, as if I should be thanking him for his company.
But I will not thank him, I will not thank him for what he has put me through.
I wear the grief that lives inside my lungs like the clothes across my back,
She intertwines herself within me and keeps me frozen in time,
I am not living, I am just existing.