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A John Wilkes Lincoln Christmas Special

Everyone gather round and begin to take a look,
About the numerous stories written in my memory book.
 
It was a magical evening, hosted by Grandma May,
In her house, she hosted a party on Christmas Day!
 
The house was packed, the people were plenty,
Obama, McCain, and my wife Jenny.
 
Adam, Peter, Gavin, a Jew,
Snoop, the Grinch, and Mary Lou Who.
 
My dad, a hooker, my date Emily,
Ava, Shannon, the rest of my family.
 
Some time had passed, everyone raised a glass,
Until suddenly the room began to fill with gas.
 
Everyone was drowsy, they all fell asleep,
Which gave time for some people to go and creep.
 
They went behind Senator Obama and Senator McCain,  
And slit Barak’s throat and put a bullet in John’s brain.  
 
Then they went behind Mary Lou Who,
And twisted her neck as if it was a screw.
 
After an hour, everyone began to awake,
They noticed the bodies, and their limbs began to quake.
 
“Who could have done this?” they all said wide-eyed,
They sat down in shock, and together they cried.  
 
But the clock was ticking, and they didn’t know who,
So they split up together in groups of two.
 
Emily and Jenny, Adam and Grandma May,
Ava and Shannon stayed in the doorway.
 
Peter and Gavin, Dad and the Jew,
The Grinch stayed close with dead Mary Lou Who.
 
Peter and Gavin were feeling warm that day,
So they found a closet to go and be gay.
 
The Grinch took the corpse of Mary Lou Who,
And found a closet to do what the Grinch had to do.
 
Adam found a bedroom for poor Grandma May,
And they enjoyed life while Santa watched on his sleigh.
 
Emily and Jenny, Dad and the Jew,  
Were the only two groups who had tried to find a clue.
 
Then out of nowhere, Ava and Shannon ruined the fun.
There were smirks on their faces, in their hands, a gun.
 
“John,” they said, “this is the end.”
“You ruined our lives, so I killed all your friends.”
 
My wife and my date and my Dad were all near,
Though I was confident, all they felt was fear.
 
But I  remained strong, knowing what was done,
Snoop was behind them, holding a gun.
 
“It’s the D-O-Double-G ,” he said with a grin,
“I’m not gonna be killed with John Wilkes Lincoln.”
 
So with the puff of his joint, weed smoke filled the air,
And made the two girls pass out with the swing of a chair.
 
He put the gun to their heads, and didn’t hesitate,  
He destroyed the evils of the world which John decided to create.
 
Snoop had saved the day, and the world reached a new dawn,
Everyone celebrated the imagination of John.
 
Peter and Gavin came out the closet and knew what to do,
They shared a hug with the Grinch and dead Mary Lou Who.
 
Though this poem may seem violent and cause lots of strife,
We know who Shannon and Ava represent in real life.
Written by JohnWilksLincoln (John Wilkes Lincoln)
Published | Edited 24th Dec 2020
Author's Note
One of the final poems of the year, John sits down and reminisces on his creations of the past few months. It has been a true pleasure riding on this on magical road of 2020, and John wanted to end the year with hope. A hope for a better year. A hope for new friends and family. A hope for imagination and creation of life anew. Please have a happy new year, and enjoy the festivities as this year comes to a close.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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