I've just gotta ask,

I know itís been a year. Well, more than that actually, a year and 10 weeks, give or take a day depending on how you cut it. If it's after midnight and the people haven't slept from the day before, is that event of the new day, or the previous day? I havenít been able to decide. Iíve run out of things to analyze about our story.  

Itís been over a year since Iíd seen your face. A little less since we've last spoke. For you, itís been a year and 10 weeks since weíd been in the same area. Truth is, Iíve been in town for a few months. But I guess youíll find that out if you wanna get some coffee, or a drink, or something?  
No one ever picks something. Maybe this time you will.  
Coffee would be nice. I agree, coffee would be nice.  
Thereís a lot less pressure and a lot less mistakes. We have space to rationalize, room to think. Weíve got to be mindful of our energy, we have to breathe. †
I agree, coffee would be nice. I know a place by me, Iíve been meaning to explore a few more spots.  
I wouldnít call it a test, but itíd mean a lot to me if youíd made the trip for once.  

How long are you in town for, youíd say. †
Actually I moved here when my lease was up in the summer, Iíd say.  
Why didnít you tell me? Because I needed to put my roots down without you.  
Thereíd be a pause. I didnít mean it like that. But youíd know what I meant.  

Iíve wanted to call, weíd both say, angry at ourselves that we never did. Why is it so hard for us? I want to ask. Maybe this time I will. But not before I throw up butterflies. Discreetly, into my coffee cup. †
Too hot, I'd say. †

Itíll be excruciating but we have to do it.  
How have you been? Are you still at that one job? What are you doing now, then? †
Itís weird, we hate these surface level, mundane conversations, but weíre dying to know, and weíre dying to know every single day, thatís why weíre doing them now.  

Weíre dancing, weíve always been good at dancing.  
Did you move by yourself? No, no, my two friends grew up in the area and wanted to try something new, and if I signed another lease I feel like Iíd be overstaying my welcome. †
Oh so now weíve got 3 of you assholes in the big city? Címonnn!  
Always such a kidder. I just wish youíd say it. Just say youíre happy to hear that. That youíre happy the world is so small. That youíre really glad I met those friends. Give me a crumb; why do you hoard all your thoughts like they wonít be yours if you share them?  
How about you, are you still with your boys? †
Iím not sure what youíll say. Youíre a bit of a wild card. †
Thereíll be another pause. We wonít know if itís been seconds or minutes. Iím distracted by something outside and youíre watching the steam from the espresso machine create a curtain of fog between the cashier and the customer. The only curtain between us is the burning tension, like a balloon blowing up with air until it pops. †
Am I hearing your brain or mine, saying get it over with, just ask?  

Are you seeing anyone?  
Or is that too forward. Should I say it or should you say it? †
Do either of us really want to know? We wouldnít have come if we didnít, I think. †
Maybe Iíll say it. I canít hold back like I did last time, and I want to show you that I trust you. I should show you how Iím feeling for once in my life.
Written by theyrejustwords
Published | Edited 23rd Dec 2020
Author's Note
Been really into stream of consciousness prose type stuff, but I'm not sure how it sounds for someone else to read. any feedback is greatly appreciated!
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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